Spanning countries and cultures, the holidays focus on togetherness, family and joy, a spirit of giving and love, but for many individuals struggling with loss, the season can carry with it heightened sadness, loneliness or even guilt for feeling moments of happiness. Additionally, loss can disrupt cherished traditions and leave voids in a family or social dynamics, and cause individuals who are grieving to withdraw from festivities, experience anxiety during gatherings, feel overwhelmed by memories, and have a hard time coping with the stress from the pressure to appear happy. Those sentiments, shared by Angela Daugherty, executive director of Family Pride of Northeast Ohio, however, don’t necessarily exist in a vacuum, as, at the same time, the holidays can allow for time to reflect, remember and heal by offering opportunities for growth and connection amid confusion and grief. Different approaches, attitudes “Just as we need to acknowledge that everyone experiences loss and grief in a way that is unique to them — even those within the same family — we must also acknowledge that same uniqueness in how they cope, especially during the holidays,” Daugherty said. “For this reason, dealing with loss encompasses a range of emotional, social, spiritual and practical efforts that vary depending on personality, preferences and needs.” Examples, she added, include mindfulness and meditation practices; art therapy; memory projects; social support; acts of kindness; exercise; prioritizing healthy routines, such as sleep, nutrition and hydration; simplifying plans; and even “taking a break” from traditions that feel too painful and substituting them, temporarily or otherwise, with travel or quiet celebration. Honoring loved ones, too, Daugherty noted, can build sustained remembrance, cleaved from painful realities, like storytelling, toasts and prayers, planting a tree, or crafting keepsakes. “Individuals able to use a combination of these approaches can provide a holistic way to navigate through loss,” she said. “Different tasks may resonate at different times, as the key is to honor one’s feelings and his/her/their unique path toward healing. “Though most people think of loss as being connected to a loved one dying, loss can be caused by many things, such as a terminal illness diagnosis, loss of a home, financial hardships, or substance abuse,” Daugherty added. “In essence, loss can encapsulate any major life transition or adjustment, and it can deeply affect people of all ages differently, as young children often lack the cognitive ability to fully understand the larger implications of loss, leading to confusion or anxiety.” Additionally, teens and young adults have “complex emotions” during loss that can bring guilt, frustration and withdrawal as they process their emotions. “Adults and aging individuals have a true sense of loss as they mourn the traditions and nostalgia for past celebrations and memories, as the changes highlight the absence of what was once familiar and cherished,” Daugherty said. “By understanding these differences, caregivers, friends and communities can offer better help, making it easier for everyone to cope with changes and challenges. “Overall, people’s needs and approaches to grief often vary widely, even from year to year, and it’s important to allow for flexibility and acknowledge that there is no ‘right’ way to navigate loss during the holidays,” she added. “It is important to listen, lean in, and refrain from telling them what they need, but, rather, by asking them what they feel like they need, which can be a sure sign to show you care and are there to support them.” Adjusting and adapting Another element connected to loss, at any time, officials noted, is isolation, which can exacerbate loneliness and apprehension. And the holidays, added Connie Brocone, community outreach social worker with the Lake County Council on Aging, are a reminder. Isolation, she noted, may also exist if someone is homebound and unable to drive, or has loved ones who don’t live locally and who may not be afforded opportunities to travel long distances each season. “That creates a loss of independence, and we encourage contact with caregivers, family, and friends to help get through periods such as these,” Brocone said. Echoing Daugherty, she added that increased activities in and out of the home can help as well, as many area programs are available throughout the holiday season such as concerts, craft shows, and community meals. Additionally, scopes of loss can include one’s decline in health, whether it be physical or mental. “Someone who is not able to communicate due to their health, such as those with dementia, can contribute to their loneliness and the loneliness of their loved one,” Brocone said. “They may lose their support system due to the lack of being able to contribute to a conversation or voice their needs and (they) may decrease their involvement in activities with others.” People can experience loss, which should not be minimized, she emphasized, through the death of a pet, which, very often, provides emotional connection and companionship, which may otherwise be absent, not notably service/therapy dogs. Moreover, Brocone said, reliance on medication can be common when facing loss. “Prescribed medication can be helpful but is often more helpful when utilized in conjunction with formal counseling services and encouraging involvement in (those) community activities to decrease feelings of isolation,” she added, noting continuing education for health care providers can be crucial in finding other sources to help people. “Addiction and abuse issues are elevated during the holiday season due to the impact of past experiences on one’s life,” Brocone continued. “Drugs and alcohol are often abused as a means of coping with negative feelings surrounding the holidays, and there are resources to aid in managing mental health and addiction throughout (the holidays).” ‘Ambiguous loss’ Coined by professor Pauline Boss in the 1970s to describe “losses that are unclear or unconfirmed,” “ambiguous loss” encompasses a loss not readily identified as “concrete,” unlike the permanency of death. As a result, ambiguous loss can take years and even a lifetime to bring about closure and emotional mitigation. According to officials, prevalent examples can include the loss of a family member due to kidnapping, runaways, natural disasters, long-term military deployment, estrangement and divorce, incarceration, substance abuse, or deportation, in addition to dementia/physical separation. “These losses include ‘unknowns’ and lead to what we call ‘disenfranchised grief,’ which is not openly acknowledged by society and can lead to a more intense isolation,” said Susan Hamme, director of counseling services for Hospice of the Western Reserve. “In these challenging situations, it is important to take some time, alone or with a few understanding loved ones, and have a moment or a ritual to honor and acknowledge that individual as they are at these moments, then, to follow that up acknowledging the ambiguity itself and allowing a space for all of the feelings associated with it.” Hope and healing In addition to outreach and community gatherings, Hamme noted that online/social media groups can be helpful in connecting and staying connected, with others, as well as text messages and Facetime. She also emphasized that the digital sphere doesn’t have a monopoly on rapport. “Little things, tied to activities, such as a handwritten note or card to someone who has helped you, brightened a day, or done something kind since the loss of someone special can speak volumes,” Hamme said. “Coping in both the short- and long-term means putting in some work —  it’s called, ‘grief work’ because that is exactly what it is. The definition of ‘grief’ has evolved over the years to include the word ‘necessary….’ This is because we can all fake it for a while, we can stay busy, we can hide in that place of numbness for a while and start to look like we are ‘back to normal.’ “The problem with this, though, is that grief will wait,” she added. “It will remind you that it’s there at bedtime when you’re no longer able to keep your brain distracted, or when the next big stressor hits and all of those intense emotions are triggered.” Hamme asserted that being purposeful in “self-care” is key, which is not always easy to teach. “Because, like grief, these things are very unique,” she said. “For some, it’s a workout that involves sweating and lifting and moving, for others, it’s melting into the sofa with the television on for a weekend….neither is wrong. In finding out which works, at that moment, learn to evaluate what things gave you a break from thinking about your loss, even if it is brief, and which things allow you to feel anything different when you are doing them.” Hamme added that changing moods and energy levels is not the scary part of grief, but rather being stuck and not experiencing shifting moods, which can induce fear. “That ‘being stuck’ phenomenon is what we look for when deciding if some grief counseling may be helpful or if signs of depression may be arising,” she said. “Grief does not always lead to depression —  though it can feel like it in moments, as we, at times, refer to grief as depression’s twin, similar to the point of (being) identical at times, but not the same.” As days and seasons pass, officials reiterated that while there is no “one-size-fits-all” model for dealing with loss, it’s “absolutely OK” to talk about what one may be experiencing. “It is, typically, the elephant in the room, with people avoiding talking about matters to not make anyone else upset,” Hamme said. “But once that ice is broken, the joy that can come from sharing memories and stories about that person missing at your celebration can be so healing, and often a photo can be set near a candle that is lit for that person who is missing, or they can be mentioned during a family or religious blessing.” Brocone, Daugherty, and Hamme all believe that the holiday season remains an important time to also to look for available judgment-free safe spaces, in addition to healing resources, as hospices, funeral homes, community/senior centers, and churches offer a variety of special events for those experiencing a loss during the holiday season. Moreover, joining a group, the trio noted, whether formal or informal and sharing similar experiences, even in the face of unbearable anguish, can be comforting and validating. “Grieving alone can be devastating,” Brocone said. “The most important thing to do is to reach out for help when it’s needed.”