As a kid, Kenneth Stukes couldn’t always afford a Halloween costume. These days, he’s making up for lost time and coming to understand why such play still matters.As I sat getting a pedicure for my tip-top favorite day of the year, I pictured the costume waiting for me at home. The neon green suit hung just outside my closet, its pointed shoulders, snake-skin boots, and blond wig with neon green tips a beacon of transformation.“You want color?” the nail technician asked.“Cotton candy pink,’ I told her, as I relaxed in the massage chair for a few more minutes.The woman, whose nametag read Tammi, chuckled a little. Maybe the shade was unusual for a 5’ 10”, 240-pound, 37-year-old man, but it was perfect for the character I was about to portray: Uncle Clifford, the slick-mouthed, non-binary showstopper from the Starz original series P-Valley. Known for his house rules that followed an unusual numbering system, Clifford dispenses gems of advice with each sharp-tongued remark.For the past few years, Halloween has been my escape. It offers one of the few moments of the year when my inner little boy—with his vivid imagination—gets to be his most creative. Halloween and I go together like Clark Kent and Superman, like ghosts and goblins, like candy corn and chocolate, and the ominous phrase, trick-or-treat.Plenty of time, detail, and attention goes into my Halloween characters, some original and others traditional. I usually start planning for these elaborate pieces in June, giving myself enough time to fine-tune every detail. In the recent past, I’ve portrayed several iconic characters, including a flying monkey from The Wizard of Oz.While most kids of my generation loved Halloween for the candy, I loved it for the invitation to be creative and channel whatever superhero or villain I felt was most fearless. But my grandma, my primary caretaker, saw it differently. The difference had nothing to do with religion or the fear of creatures roaming the night and everything to do with her lack of funds. She would often tell me, “Sometimes, you gotta make do with what you already have, son,” and that meant going as my regular self.My grandmother encouraged me to trick-or-treat, but I felt less than fearless as I went door to door in search of treats. Back then, my costumes typically consisted of my everyday look and a plastic bag from the local supermarket. The plastic bag served as my candy bag, which I would double to prevent any candy spillage. The kid, along with his confidence, was stifled year after year. I marveled at everyone else’s costumes—from Spider-Man to Wolverine and Storm from X-Men—longing for a chance to feel fearless and creative on Halloween. To be fair, I can remember one standout costume from my childhood: the Red Power Ranger, complete with Morpher and helmet. That was a good year but also an anomaly. I was too embarrassed as a child to make my own costume after my attempt at the Tin Man went awry. Aluminum foil isn’t easy to sculpt with, and my grandmother didn’t appreciate that I burned through her entire roll.It wasn’t until I sat across from my therapist, Donnie, three years into our sessions that I began to understand why Halloween held such power over my imagination. Donnie has been the one to help me unpack several facets of my life, and we’ve managed to build a lot of trust. I knew that much of what we discussed would not leave the session, and the unpacking helped me become a better version of myself. I soon learned that Halloween serves as my confidence builder.Donnie expressed that he noticed a certain level of energy and excitement and a smile that stretched from ear to ear whenever I talked about Halloween. Together, we realized that I tend to downplay many of my successes, from producing at a television news station that I watched as a kid to earning my master’s degree. Negative self-talk is how Donnie described it.“Ken, you are a good writer; however, you allow this negative self-talk to get in the way,” said Donnie. “But it seems to occur less when creating your Halloween outfits.”Cue my baby-step epiphany. I’d been completely unaware of my low self-esteem when discussing other parts of my life or the skills I possess. My journey toward healing has been about building my confidence and giving myself grace. But I realized my spark only showed on Halloween as I wore a wig, makeup, or custom costume. One year I even donned yellow hotpants, a top hat, and painted my skin white from head to toe to resemble a ringmaster.“There have been moments where you were dressed in near drag, and you wore it proudly,” said Donnie. “It is time you find that same confidence and fearlessness outside the costume.”Looking back, I realized my confidence lay in my creativity, which has often felt stifled throughout my life.This year, as I transform into Ursula, I’m channeling more than just the sea witch’s bold presence. I’m claiming the confidence that has always lived within me, whether I’m wearing tentacles or a business suit. Halloween has taught me how to be fearless and bold—now it’s time to carry that magic through every day of the year. That could look like me wearing a red cowboy hat with a tan suit to work. I’m not sure yet. Stay tuned for an update. And happy Halloween.Kenneth Stukes, a former TV news producer, is a native of Baltimore City. He recently graduated from the University of Baltimore with a Master of Public Administration degree.