My wife and I recently celebrated 30 years of marriage, and if I’ve learned anything about conflict resolution, it’s to listen twice as much as I speak. Have I mastered this? No. Would my wife say I’m always awesome? No. Do we still have conflicts? Of course. But I’ve realized that I can either be right, or I can be happy!  Joking aside, I’ve found that when I listen to her twice as much as I speak, I aim to understand her viewpoint. This is especially important when dealing with highly emotional issues. When I truly listen, something amazing happens: she listens to me in return. Sociologists and psychologists call this “the Law of Reciprocity,” but I prefer to think of it as “the Golden Rule.”  What I’ve discovered during conflicts is that when we treat others how we want to be treated, something miraculous occurs: the other person is likely to mirror the behavior we display. Will this always be the case? No. Will it take time? Yes. But as trust builds between people, this law of reciprocity is more likely to bring everyone together for a good solution.  You might be thinking, “This is good advice, Paul, but what does it have to do with the workplace?” Well, organizations are simply collections of people who need to work effectively alongside each other and others, including vendors and customers. In my experience, organizations with clarity of purpose (mission), a clear sense of direction (vision), and agreed-upon ways of working (values) far outperform those that lack these elements.  Additionally, I’ve observed that the most effective employees tend to be clear on their personal mission, vision, and values. They experience less conflict in the workplace because they have a clear sense of purpose.  I’ve also noticed that conflict can be positively reduced when we seek a higher purpose and the common bond shared by both parties. In the workplace, this means understanding that we’re all part of a larger team with shared goals. For example, during a project deadline crunch, team members may have different ideas on how to proceed. By actively listening and acknowledging each person’s expertise, the team can arrive at a solution that incorporates diverse perspectives, fostering collaboration rather than competition.  Similarly, when addressing customer complaints, empathizing with their frustration can turn a negative experience into a positive one. When employees focus on understanding the customer’s viewpoint, they are more likely to find effective solutions, turning dissatisfied customers into loyal advocates for the brand.  What’s equally important is fostering a workplace culture that encourages open communication and continuous feedback. When leadership makes space for employees to voice concerns without fear of repercussions, it creates an atmosphere where conflict is seen as an opportunity for growth, rather than a threat. This, in turn, allows the organization to innovate and adapt more quickly, as employees feel empowered to share diverse ideas, even if those ideas challenge the status quo.  We often hear about “burnout,” and from my observation, those who tend to get frazzled, frustrated and exhausted by the end of the day are often individuals who haven’t learned how to positively reduce conflict. Notice I didn’t say “eliminate conflict” — conflict isn’t inherently bad. When handled correctly, it can strengthen collegial relationships and enhance customer loyalty. If an employee is good at reducing conflict, they tend to have what I call “stress-hardiness.”  In summary, organizations are just a collection of people, ideally with a common purpose, so the same principles apply when dealing with conflicts among colleagues, customers, or vendors. By listening actively and focusing on shared goals, we can navigate challenges more effectively and create a brighter future together.  That said, there’s something I need to address with my wife at just the right moment: When she recently quoted the late Margaret Thatcher’s famous line, “If I want your opinion, I’ll give it to you.” I’ll let you know how that conflict resolution conversation goes!   Paul Butler is a Santa Clarita resident and a client partner with Newleaf Training and Development of Valencia (newleaftd.com). For questions or comments, email Butler at [email protected].  The post Paul Butler | Positively reducing conflict  appeared first on Santa Clarita Valley Signal.