by Wm. Steven Humphrey If you’re reading this, you probably know the value of the Mercury’s news reporting, arts and culture coverage, event calendar, and the bevy of events we host throughout the year. The work we do helps our city shine, but we can’t do it without your support. If you believe Portland benefits from smart, local journalism and arts coverage, please consider making a small monthly contribution, because without you, there is no us. Thanks for your support! GOOD MORNING, PORTLAND! 👋 Start your fasting NOW because one week from today on Sept 30, the most tummy-filling event of the season kicks off: It's the Mercury's WING WEEK, featuring $8 plates of delicious, savory wings cooked up by 70 (!) of the greatest restaurants on planet Portland! Now let's cook up some savory NEWS. IN LOCAL NEWS: • As you know, election *drama* season is in full swing, and today's histrionic posturing comes from Republican Dennis Linthicum—their party's candidate for Oregon Secretary of State (SoS). As was reported last week, the state's DMV made a serious bungle by accidentally registering roughly 300 (that we know of) noncitizens to vote... but, but, BUT. Only a mere two of those noncitizens actually voted. However, in a desperate attempt to get folks to vote for him, Linthicum recently filed a lawsuit questioning the validity of mail-in voting, and is erroneously claiming that the number of noncitizens who are registered to vote is ten times that (of course, with absolutely no evidence). However, even though he filed the previously mentioned lawsuit, he's saying he has no intention of getting rid of mail-in voting if he becomes SoS... that is, "until the will of the people might change legislative direction." And with those few words, he just said the quiet part out loud. Hey smarty brains! 🤓 It's time to play POP QUIZ PDX! This week's trivia questions include: Sketchy millionaires try to buy a mayor, sexy new bridge alert, and what NOT to name Portland's new WNBA team. See how well YOU score!https://t.co/uaHN78Nr07 — Portland Mercury 🗞 (@portlandmercury) September 22, 2024 • While not necessarily reflected in the kiss-ass headline (classic Oregonian!), check out this well-reported profile of Rene Gonzalez... who cannot be happy with this (absolutely accurate) opening graph: During his nearly two years on the Portland City Council, Rene Gonzalez has crafted a consistent message embraced by his numerous supporters — but hasn’t notched many substantive wins. A better headline would've been: "Rene Gonzalez Provides Lots of Sizzle, but Non-Existent Steak." Anyway, I'm just happy the O has stopped crowding their homepage with irrelevant stories of politician fender benders. • The annual show of the Vaux’s swifts—those flocks of swooping birds who entertain thousands at Chapman Elementary School—have reportedly abandoned their longtime chimney roost in favor of... well, no one knows for sure. The birds still appear to be in the area and so bird conversationists are on the case to see if their former chimney home may be blocked, predators are scaring them away, or (at least this is my theory) the rent is just too damn high. • While this summer's World Naked Bike Ride in Portland was cancelled, an offshoot organization threw their own nudie ride this weekend. While participation didn't reach the thousands—as is usual for the official WNBR—hundreds of people happily cruised around town to spotlight body positivity and an eventual ending to our dependence on fossil fuels, and in particular Portland's ongoing agreement with the dangerous Zenith Energy. What's the fuss with Zenith? Our Taylor Griggs has been covering it for months, so catch yourself up.  Where can you get tix for hot upcoming events, such as the Deftones' North America tour, the experimental rock fest Sessanta V 2.0, Maynard James Keenan's 60th birthday celebration, or info about Portland's new WNBA team? It's called TICKET ALERT, bay-bee!https://t.co/igpMf239tK — Portland Mercury 🗞 (@portlandmercury) September 19, 2024 IN NATIONAL/WORLD NEWS: • Following their mass pager attack last week, Israel is continuing their assault on the Hezbollah militant faction with an extensive air strike on Lebanon that killed 182 and wounded 727 people, which reportedly included civilian children, women, and paramedics. Hezbollah has returned fire, making many believe an all-out war could be on the horizon. BREAKING - Lebanon death toll from Israeli strikes rises to 274 That includes 21 children, 39 women1,024 wounded— Lebanese health ministry — Timour Azhari (@timourazhari) September 23, 2024 • The man who allegedly brought and pointed a rifle at Donald Trump at his private golf course reportedly left behind a note stating his intention to assassinate the former president, according to the Justice Department, who also found a list of places Trump were scheduled to appear in the suspect's car. Apparently the note was dropped off at an unidentified friend's house in a box that also contained "ammunition, a metal pipe, building materials, tools, phones and various letters." The DoJ intends to use this evidence to ensure the suspect remains locked up until his trial date. • Today in the "Battle of the Polls (to Confuse and Terrify as Many People as Possible)": 1) "Harris leads in latest polls but Trump scores high on key issues." 2) "Democrats fear pollsters are undercounting Trump." 3) "Harris is leading in 4 of the 7 battleground states that are most likely to determine the outcome of the election." 4) "Trump Shows Signs of Strength in Sun Belt Battlegrounds, Polls Find." 5) "How the debate didn’t boost Harris, according to our polling expert." 6) "A transformed race: Harris builds momentum in latest polling." CAN WE PLEASE JUST BURY POLLS IN A DEEP DARK CAVE FOREVERRRRRR???? 😭 Monster Truck Rally Attendees Angrily Boo Regular-Size Truck https://t.co/EeEXywv9P6 — The Onion (@TheOnion) September 23, 2024 • Several top aides are stepping down after it was reported that North Carolina Republican gubernatorial candidate Mark Robinson made comments on a porn website that he is a "Black Nazi" who wants to reinstate slavery, while confessing he used to peep on women in gyms when he was a teen. Weirdly, while Robinson and Trump have been very buddy-buddy in the past, he was not invited to the former president's recent North Carolina rally, even though at one time Trump called Robinson a “Martin Luther King on steroids.” (!!!) • And finally.... HAPPY MONDAY. Hope you get through this week as easily as this: @ana5c6 #funnycat #cat #catsoftiktok #cats #fyp ♬ original sound - Love pet