by Wm. Steven Humphrey If you’re reading this, you probably know the value of the Mercury’s news reporting, arts and culture coverage, event calendar, and the bevy of events we host throughout the year. The work we do helps our city shine, but we can’t do it without your support. If you believe Portland benefits from smart, local journalism and arts coverage, please consider making a small monthly contribution, because without you, there is no us. Thanks for your support! GOOD MORNING, PORTLAND! 👋 Expect a gorgeous, mostly sunny day with a sexy high of 75—though showers will return on Tuesday and Wednesday for the benefit of you sun-haters. (Fun fact: the sun is only reason we're not living on a desolate ice planet.) And now let's travel to the icy planet of NEWS. IN LOCAL NEWS: • According to a review by the Oregon DMV, more than 300 noncitizens were accidentally put on the voter rolls, though (IMPORTANT!) only two of those people have actually voted. The goof-up has been attributed to human error and lax procedures at the DMV, and while these noncitizens have been notified they will not be able to vote in November unless they can prove their citizenship, there may be more of these unintended registrations, which gives Republicans the reason they desperately want to continue spreading anti-democracy conspiracy theories. • The shot: Oregon ranks second in nation for remote workers https://t.co/gelb1eIdXC — The Oregonian (@Oregonian) September 15, 2024 • And the chaser: Portland ranks as the 7th worst city for traffic in the U.S., according to a new report published in the Consumer Affairs Journal of Consumer Research. https://t.co/pN6v5fTpPK — KOIN News (@KOINNews) September 16, 2024 • Portland's long-running and beloved computer and electronics recycling center, Free Geek, was partially destroyed by a fire on Friday, when a blaze started in their receiving area. They say the fire took out part of their donation center, as well as some dumpsters, and are asking for the public's help with funding to make repairs and pay their employees while they remain closed. • Mostly conservative mayoral wanna-be Rene Gonzalez, in a last ditch attempt to show that he's done something... anything... during his tenure as commissioner, is planning to introduce a resolution that would impose stiffer penalties on graffiti artists. If passed, the ordinance would make it a misdemeanor offense that could result in at least seven days in jail and 50 hours of community clean-up service. In his response to the WW about the ordinance, Gonzalez seemed less fixated on public beautification, and more on what would happen if someone like him (and by extension, Trump) were to be elected into office this November, saying that implementing such a ordinance would help prepare the city "for any civil unrest scenarios surrounding the election.” (Wow, he seems to be beginning to understand how his divisive style of leadership would negatively impact Portland. I'd call that progress!) • If you like some world-class booty shaking with your "art," then don't miss our Suzette Smith's great TBA review of Goner, which is not only a meditation on torture, escape, and memory, but also contains the twerking you want in the pink velour chaps you deserve. • One of many interesting (and sassy!) trivia Qs in this week's fun POP QUIZ PDX: • The nationally acclaimed restaurant Takibi reopens, Tomo Ramen is expanding to Woodstock, say "rah-rah-ooh-la-la" to Ra-Ra Ramen, and which two local restaurants made Bon Appetit's Best New Restaurants of 2024 list? Find out in this week's edition of Portland FOOD NEWS. IN NATIONAL/WORLD NEWS: • According to reports, former president Trump escaped yet another assassination attempt yesterday, after Secret Service agents fired at the suspect—identified as 58-year-old Ryan Wesley Routh, a former Trump voter—who was allegedly hiding in the bushes and holding an AK-style rifle while the ex-president was golfing at his course in West Palm Beach, Florida. The assailant had not fired his weapon when agents discovered him and Trump was hundreds of yards away at the time. The reactions to this suspected attempt on Trump's life were exactly what you might expect—with Republicans demanding better protection for their candidate, and Elon Musk tweeting (and later deleting) how he thought it was odd that nobody had tried to kill President Biden or Vice President Kamala Harris. I need a Democrat in Congress to propose the ‘Save Donald Trump’s life gun reform bill’ so the Republicans either have to pass it or go on record that they don’t care about protecting Donald Trump. — Dana Goldberg (@DGComedy) September 15, 2024 • Meanwhile, vice presidential nominee JD Vance has doubled down on his racist, and patently false claim that Haitian immigrants are eating peoples' pets in Springfield, Ohio. When asked to present evidence for his lies, Vance said that he got the information from "the first-hand accounts of my constituents." That tells you everything you need to know about JD Vance, aaaaaand "curtain." • Crybabies gonna cry: Former president Donald Trump took his bitterness over mega-pop star Taylor Swift’s endorsement of Vice President Kamala Harris to his social network, declaring in an all-caps tweet on Truth Social on Sunday, “I HATE TAYLOR SWIFT.” https://t.co/fWRi24MJhc — The Washington Post (@washingtonpost) September 15, 2024 • It was a big night at the Emmys for the FX network, which set a record for most awards won by a show in a single year—in this case Shogun, which also won "best drama." Their show The Bear also won several Emmys, though it was beaten out by the absolutely delightful Hacks which took home the award for "best comedy." • RIP to the great Tito Jackson—one of the founding members of the Jackson 5—who has died at the age of 70. • This is the type of headline that makes me rethink my disinterested attitude toward football: "Green Bay Packers QB Malik Willis opts not to throw on key down after center throws up on the ball." • And finally, the next time someone asks you "where are you going?"... here's your answer: @raw..space #sun #galaxy #universe ♬ Space - Andy Ms