These days, nobody seems to like elites. In movies and pop culture, they’re cutthroat villains that people love to see destroy each other. They’re what make The White Lotus, Triangle of Sadness, Knives Out, Succession, and The Menu so hate-watchable. And as new movie Send Help continues to defy box office expectations, its anti-elite plot deserves some of the credit. Elsewhere, elites are framed as bureaucratic, academic know-it-alls – and get sucked into the culture war in the process. Trump’s presidential campaigns embody this well – with stump speeches that center the concerns of the middle class while attacking wealthy elites. But ask his supporters why they like Trump and they’ll often cite symbols of his elite status – his wealth, his genius acumen or his cultivated image as a successful businessman on “The Apprentice”. Despite the contradiction, this strategy worked because elites are universally perceived as out of touch with the real world – with privileged and sheltered life experience that begets a sense of superiority. They’re depicted (often unjustifiably) as looking down on those not of their echelon – at best, with apathy and at worst, with pity or blatant disrespect.  This reputation should be enough to make any brand avoid anything that might be seen as elite. Yet our love/hate relationship with elitism and luxury remain one of our culture’s most paradoxical obsessions. We hate elitism yet always strive for it. It’s embedded in the social influencers we follow, the music, movies and TV shows we support, fashion, politics, food and everything in-between. In turbulent economic times, that tension is a hard thing to navigate, both for brands and culturally. But, strangely enough, examining our dating preferences may be key to understanding how.   When “elite” isn’t just about money In the U.S., the middle class and lower class’ aspiration toward wealth and elitism makes perfect sense. It also isn’t new. The phrase “Keeping Up with the Joneses” dates back to the 1910s and the promise of upward mobility has always been a cornerstone of the American Dream, which dates back to the 1930s. But in 2026, that dream may be out of reach, with recent studies suggesting that the average middle-class worker would need to save for 52 years to be classified as wealthy.  These conflicting visions create a tension: allowing many people to resent elites and elitism while at the same time aspiring to earn that level of status in the clothes, cars, food, lifestyle, and even in relationships. For example, our study conducted for dating app EliteSingles, being elite is seen as a positive and valuable trait, especially when it comes to choosing a partner. In fact, when we surveyed paid US dating app users (aged 35-60), 91% of them reported positive or very positive attitudes toward things labeled as “elite”. That outcome might seem obvious. First, no one wants to settle and “elite” in a dating context is seen as someone who is “above average” and has high standards. The term is also multidimensional, embodying a range of qualities beyond wealth, like attractiveness, ambition, education/intelligence, professional success/achievement, and dating intention.  But more revealing was the second insight: 80% of those same people said that “elite” was a fitting description for them. This included a section of people who were only “aspirationally elite” rather than currently “functionally elite”. Basically, regardless of their actual situation, daters were inclined to believe that they bring a lot of status to a possible romantic partner, and that they deserve someone else on their level.  This suggests something more complicated – both within and outside the dating category. People aspire to be elite because it proves their value and worth – to themselves and others. It signals a desire for more choice and an ability to be selective, whether that’s relationships or quality goods and services. And it suggests an unabashed ambition to succeed, a common trait associated with elites. It explains not only our paradoxical relationship with elitism but why owning your ambition is currently having a moment – with Timothee Chalamet’s recent less-than-humble SAG Awards speech earning a surprising level of public and professional praise.  It turns out, people aren’t necessarily anti-elite. They’re anti-pretense, pro-confidence, and pro-authenticity. Which means brands looking to signal status without drawing hate may need to champion less stereotypical approaches that recognize this reality. The opinions expressed in Fortune.com commentary pieces are solely the views of their authors and do not necessarily reflect the opinions and beliefs of Fortune. Know yourself: Whether you’re a luxury brand or simply looking to engage customers that are functionally or aspirationally elite, it’s important to do the research, have the conversations, and get really sharp on who you are as a brand and what gives you permission to show up. The current and aspirationally elite cohorts tend to be discerning, so without a clear north star, brand actions may lack confidence, consistency and credibility. In working with brands at Quick Study, the first thing we always tackle is the “why” and once you have that positioning locked, everything else can fall into place.  Create the conditions for self-selection: Despite luxury’s reputation as tastemakers, brands should not be gatekeepers. Audiences are too varied in interests, experiences and tastes to assume you know what elite audiences look like. So, rather than saying who you’re for, do the things that attract the consumer that fits. This starts with knowing your consumers and deeply understanding what functional and emotional role a brand and its products or services play in their lives. Then design your world around theirs in a way only you can.  Foster belonging: Once people opt in, the job shifts to making them feel at home. Keep them interested with evolving narratives and offerings while not straying so far afield that they feel like they can’t place you any longer. Also take pull (vs push) posture; invite people into your elite world through earned credibility, attitude, and value alignment. Ditch the idea of over-polished authority. Don’t dilute: Doing too much, creating too many line extensions, being everywhere, having an opinion on everything, partnering with everyone – this lack of restraint is not seen as elite and will turn off those that seek a brand for its status. It’s a classic case of “if you’re for everyone, then you’re for no one”.  Maintain the magic: Many brands try to be more relatable, accessible, and seamless. This is very functional, but aspiration and status-signalling are not functional. Sure, jeans need to make your butt look good and cars need to move you from point A to B, but don’t discount the allure of a brand world, the story people are buying into, and what they want that story to say about them to their social circle. Also, a little friction isn’t a bad thing – it heightens our sense of reward, and reward builds loyalty. Human behavior is to signal status, and luxury remains a powerful signal. But what it means to be elite goes beyond financial status, forcing modern brands to go beyond that framing as well. Otherwise, the sectors that rely on old paradigms of exclusivity will find themselves without an audience. The opinions expressed in Fortune.com commentary pieces are solely the views of their authors and do not necessarily reflect the opinions and beliefs of Fortune. This story was originally featured on Fortune.com ...read more read less