The Stranger's morning news roundup. by Nathalie Graham Tacoma Detention Facility Sued: Three Black men detained at Northwest ICE Processing Center are suing the facility's owner, GEO Group. They claim guards "engaged in sexual assa ult, violent beatings and retaliation" and that the Tacoma Police Department deferred abuse complaints to GEO Group, allowing the company to investigate itself, according to KING5. A 2025 report from the University of Washington's Center for Human Rights affirms the claims about TPD. According to that data, out of 150 reports of abuse at the facility, only two led to prosecutions. But in both cases, the alleged victims were GEO group employees. Waterfall for Sale, Heftily Used: The owner of  Oregon's iconic Abiqua Falls plans to auction it off . A private buyer could restrict public use of the waterfall and that state isn’t in the market for more land. Public defenders needed: Oregon is so short on public defenders that 1,400 criminal cases may need to be dismissed, ruled the Oregon Supreme Court. The accused simply have no one to represent them. Should the state scrounge up the lawyers, the dismissed cases could be refiled. A Date with Destiny: Gov. Bob Ferguson had an "introductory Zoom meeting” with NBA commissioner Adam Silver yesterday. Could the Sonics be coming home? The Zoom took place almost exactly a year after Bruce Harrell did that stupid fucking basketball gag where he proved he did not achieve the one thing tacked onto his vision board: bringing the Sonics back. Well, that, and we aren’t One Seattle yet. Speaking of Sports: There's a big game this weekend. The Seattle Seahawks vs. the New England Patriots. A re-do of that dreaded 2015 showdown. We just need to figure one thing out: Who's bringing the dip to the Super Bowl party?  Athletes Abound: It's Winter Olympics time, baby. Time to remember how much you love to watch ice dancing. The opening ceremonies are today! If you watch them live on Peacock, that'll be at 11am PST. You can watch the official NBC broadcast on delay at 5pm.   Dicking Around: Size doesn't matter... unless you're an Olympic ski jumper. One way to get ahead in the sport is to have a bigger dong. It’s science: If you're toting a larger package, you get a larger suit. With a bigger suit, there's less drag and more lift. There’s no hard evidence yet, but supposedly to juice their suit sizes, some ski jumpers have been injecting hyaluronic acid into their junk. The World Anti-Doping Agency says this is not allowed. They're firm on this and are investigating.  Times article has an incredible illustration[image or embed] — honeybakedsam.bsky.social (@honeybakedsam.bsky.social) February 5, 2026 at 11:45 AM Hey, That's Good: King County reported a 35 percent decline in shots fired incidents between 2024 and 2025. We also saw a 22 percent reduction in shooting deaths—58 people died and 177 survived.  You'll really be saying "wow" after you hear who's running for Congress in Texas. It's Vince "ShamWow" Shlomi, the infomercial star who hawked super absorbent pads to handle spills and messes. Now, he's got his eye on "soaking up the swamp." Don't get it twisted, Shlomi is an anti-woke warrior whose slogan is "Make America Grow Some Balls Again." His campaign promises to "slap chop the nuts out of the 'woke,' making less blue-haired commies and more red-blooded Americans." I miss Billy Mayes.  DHS Shutdown Nears: Congress’ stopgap deal to fund the Department of Homeland Security lapses on February 14. So they’ll have to do what they do worst: reach another deal. Democrats, who are still busy putting up missing posters for their spinal cords, have said they refuse to authorize more spending toward DHS without new regulations on the agency. You’d think immigration agents killing Renee Good and Alex Pretti would’ve been a step too far. Republicans have already rejected demands to ban ICE agents from wearing masks, to have them display identification, and to have them obtain warrants before they arrest people. All bottom of the barrel stuff.   Heavy is the head that wears the sad ugly crown: The Louvre thieves dropped Empress Eugénie of France’s crown as they made their escape last fall. It got all fucked up. Now, the Louvre is looking for someone to restore it to its former glory. Napoleon III, who commissioned the crown for his wife, would be so sad. The crown of Empress Eugénie was one of nine invaluable royal ornaments snatched by burglars during the Louvre heist in October, but the thieves dropped it on the sidewalk before making their escape. The Louvre announced it will soon invite restorers to submit proposals for the crown’s repair.[image or embed] — The New York Times (@nytimes.com) February 5, 2026 at 2:50 PM 92-year-old Driver Kills Three People in LA: A 92-year-old driver hit a cyclist and then crashed into the front of 99 Ranch Market in Westwood, trapping people under her car. Three people died. All of them had been in the store's bakery section. Two people were taken to the hospital. Four sustained less serious injury. Weird: Nancy Guthrie, mom to Today Show anchor Savannah Guthrie,  was likely kidnapped last weekend. As of Thursday, authorities have no leads. They found blood on Guthrie’s porch, but a DNA test found it was hers. Guthrie is 84, has a pacemaker, and could die without access to her heart medication. Authorities say they have verified a ransom note from the alleged kidnapper demanding the Guthrie family fork over money in exchange for Nancy's return. Yoo-hoo, renters! Mayor Katie Wilson wants to hear from you to make your life better. Take the renter’s survey. The landlords are quaking in their big, home-owning boots.  The weather: Partly sunny with highs reaching toward 60.  Sounds good, right? Wrong. This mild winter has led to the third-thinnest snowpack in 40 years. For the last three years, Washington's less-than-ideal snowpack levels led to drought. Three years of drought was unprecedented, but, as the Seattle Times reports, we're headed toward a fourth. While there's still hope for more winter weather, climatologists aren't optimistic about where the current trends are heading. In other words, don't listen to that hack groundhog.  A song for your Friday: Some are calling Sunday the "Benito Bowl" because of the Bad Bunny half-time show (Benito is his real name). I have high hopes. Remember this banger?  ...read more read less