Episode Five tapped the brakes on Season 18 with the Rate-A-Queen Talent Show. This two-episode story arc suspends the conventional Drag Race challenges and culminates in only a single elimination, but we get to see the queens in a solo performance format. After last week’s “Faintgate,” I am absolutely ready for a gay-ass variety show. by Mike Kohfeld Episode Five tapped the brakes on Season 18 with the Rate-A-Queen Talent Show. This two-episode story arc suspends the conventional Drag Race challenges and culminates in only a single elimination, but we get to see the queens in a solo performance format. After last week’s “Faintgate,” I am absolutely ready for a gay-ass variety show. There’s Friendships, Lovers, and Barbecues Rate-A-Queen splits the cast in two: in week one, half the cast performs and the other half judges; then in week two, their roles reverse. The highest rated queens lip-sync for the win while the lowest rated queens of each week are declared the bottom two and must lip-sync-for-their-lives. We’ve seen Rate-A-Queen in previous seasons, but it’s always been part of the premiere, before the queens get a sense of who’s-who in the competition. As a result, the ranking has historically been less about strategy and more about genuine reactions to the performances. So Season 18 threw a curveball when it put Rate-A-Queen in Week Five, after the queens have built friendships… and have had plenty of time to size up their competition. Kenya, who had wanted to kick off Episode One with the talent show, did not understand why they’d play Rate-A-Queen in the middle of the season. “We already know each other! There’s friendships. There’s lovers. There’s barbecues.” I’m waiting for an invite to that barbecue. Our local queen and frontrunner Jane Don’t worried that the other queens would rate her in the bottom regardless of how well she does in the talent show simply to eliminate a threat. “I planned to be judged by RuPaul,” Jane grumbled, “but now I’m being judged by a bunch of bitches from Florida who can’t read.” The Miami girls—mother/daughter Athena and Juicy, plus “Auntie” Mia—had a natural alliance, and Athena quickly snagged Kenya as a fourth vote in her favor. But it was team GLAM! from the Q-Pop Girl Groups challenge that emerged as the superpower of the episode: Nini, Mia, Ciara, Myki, and Kenya (yes, Kenya is playing both sides. Werk!). They strategically split themselves between the two talent performances so they could rate each other highly in each episode. The storyline potential of Rate-A-Queen is more useful at the top of a season, when the slower pace gives audiences time to get to know the full cast. Here, it felt like a loss of momentum at a critical point in the season, when viewers are more likely to tune out for a non-elimination episode that felt more like Survivor than RuPaul’s Drag Race. (Give us a Mini-Challenge! I will die on this hill.) Mama Mia, Starr On the Rise This week’s performers were Ciara Myst, Juicy Love Dion, Nini Coco, Vita VonTesse Starr, Darlene Mitchell, and Mia Starr, while the remaining queens rated their performances. Each queen got 60 seconds to prove their star quality. Nini treated us to her genius Mother Mantis routine in the talent show, but got mid-ratings by her castmates for her act of drag déjà vu. Darlene did a campy country song about screws, nails, and drills and Vita gave us a shaky aerobics routine. All three were rated safe. One would think a savvy queen would use frontrunner Vita’s slip-up in this episode to put her in the bottom, but no. These queens are not built for Survivor-style play.           View this post on Instagram                       A post shared by RuPaul's Drag Race (@rupaulsdragrace) Ciara went with an unconventional lip-sync to a raw piece of original poetry about her struggles with depression that highlighted her exquisite costume construction, but it did not translate well to the Drag Race mainstage, and her performance was rated last by the queens. Mia and Juicy proved that Drag Race is really all about splits, tricks, and death drops. (Sigh.) As far as drag goes, I’ve always been more attracted to the weird, cerebral, and unconventional (AKA Seattle vibes), so the polished, dancing Drag Race diva act feels tired to me. I literally groaned aloud when judge Ross Matthews said that Ciara’s poetry performance needed a death drop to grab his attention. Flips and dips may not be my cup of tea, but the Miami girls killed it. Juicy did an exquisite dance number in Ready Player One drag, skillfully shimmying across every inch of the mainstage. Mia brought us Y2K video ho with a smart mashup of hip hop dance and drag excellence. Go listen to “Mama Mia [Runway Mix]” by Mia Starr: it’ll cure whatever ails you, I promise. Ultimately, the “most hated girls in Miami” got their way (thanks, Mama Athena). Juicy and Mia were rated as the top two queens by their peers. This marked a turning point for Mia: she’s finally getting a top-four edit rather than the “filler queen” cut she’s had in past weeks. Juicy and Mia lip-synced-for-the-win to guest judge Zara Larsson’s “Pretty Ugly.” This high-energy pop track became the perfect soundtrack for a hung jury: RuPaul declared a tie after an epic auntie-niece dance-off. Larsson also treated us to a Swedish translation of RuPaul’s classic “good luck, and don’t fuck it up”: “Nu har du skitit i det blå skåpe,” which literally translates to: “now you’ve really taken a shit in the blue closet.” I’m gonna need to hear RuPaul say this at some point this season. Jane Don’t Gives Good (Talking) Head Jane Didn’t perform this week, but we still got plenty from her. Beyond being anxious about her castmates sabotaging her with Rate-A-Queen, she gave top-tier side-eye cutaways during the queens’ talent acts. She questioned Ciara’s choice to feature poetry, citing “drag family trauma” after her drag sister Irene was sent home first on Season 16 for a similar performance in the talent show. It sounds like Jane will be taking the conventional route next week–maybe we’ll see her do a death drop for Ross Matthews.             View this post on Instagram                       A post shared by Jane Don’t (@heyjanedont)     As part of the “Not Today, Satin” runway category, Jane was anything but conventional. She slithered down the runway in a sky blue satin gown with sun and cloud details, complete with a giant orange-and-pink feathered bird draped over her shoulders. “I’ve had this bird for a few years. Her name is Denise.” Her mind. If a queen can win both America’s Next Drag Superstar and Miss Congeniality on the same season, it’s gonna be Jane. Kenya’s designer wasn’t able to deliver her satin runway look in time for filming, but Jane saved the day by lending Kenya an oversized satin coat that Kenya quick-sewed into a cute dress. “Jane, thank you so much. You saved my life, bitch!” My heart! Can we convince Kenya to move to Seattle, too? Tune in next week for the final half of Rate-A-Queen, where we will finally see Jane Don’t’s talent performance and find out who will be lip-syncing against Ciara Myst! ...read more read less