Dear Eric: I have two boys ages 8 and 13. In most cases the sibling rivalry is about the same as any other family. One late evening, I picked them up at the dance studio and we came home. Everyone was tired (especially ME!) and so they decided to hit the sack. Around 10, I thought I heard muffled wh impering and screeching. Thinking I was just dreaming or not fully awake, I fell back to sleep. The noise got louder and woke me up. I opened up the door to the boys’ room and was shocked and horrified. My younger boy was bound with his hands behind him and duct tape over his mouth. My older boy was on him with his sweaty soles in his face, tickling the younger boy at the same time, to the point where my younger son had lost control of his bowels. I screamed for him to “Stop!” My older son just kept grinning and continued. After a shocked minute, I started to yank him off of the younger boy. I told my husband when he got home and was more angered about how dismissive he was. Something to the effect of “boys will be boys.” He said I was “making a mountain out of a molehill.” I felt guilty when my younger boy asked me why I stood there for a while before stopping that. I’m hoping I’m not a bad parent for going back to sleep when I didn’t think anything was wrong. Am I guilty of being a bad mom? I think my husband needs a wake-up call. – Mom of Two Dear Mom: You’re not a bad mom. You intervened; you stopped a distressingly chaotic scene. (Duct tape? Really?) But you should put in safeguards to keep this kind of thing from happening again. Boys being boys is used to excuse a wide range of behaviors, from the benign to the unacceptable. It’s not a useful catchall. Siblings get into skirmishes, but parents should pay close attention that it doesn’t become bullying or abuse, especially as the age/maturity difference between siblings results in a power imbalance. You and your husband must make sure that both boys know that unwanted touching – and that includes tickling – is not allowed. And restraint? Not only not allowed, but dangerous. Being firm about this with your older son communicates to him that he needs to find healthier outlets for his energy (you can also help with this). Additionally, it communicates to your younger son that he’s safe at home. Dear Eric: Our 63-year-old sister “Josie” has always been naive, gullible and more of a follower than a leader. She does not have a college education but always seems to fall into a job that pays well. In the past seven years, she has reunited with a friend from a previous job, and this is when we noticed a dramatic change in her mental state. The family has been dealing with her conspiracy theories and beliefs of aliens living under Walmart; Josie states that she is a star seed from another planet. She took an antidepressant years ago but weaned her way off of it. She has admitted to anxiety recently but will not go back on a pill due to having no trust in Big Pharma who makes them. Josie has a daughter who lives out of state and does not know the level of concern that we have for her mental state. My niece asked me to join her mom in visiting her, but I cannot take more than two hours with Josie, let alone a week. Do we let her live her life in LaLa Land or suggest that she needs an intervention or counseling? – Concerned Sisters Dear Sisters: While it might have initially seemed that, by linking up with an old coworker, Josie was following a misguided way of thinking, the sudden change suggests that she could be experiencing a mental health crisis. Intervention could help keep her safe. Talk to your niece about your concerns and see if she shares them. You can be honest that an extended trip isn’t something you can do, but consider a shorter visit with the intention of getting a better idea of what’s going on with Josie. Open communication amongst the family about what you’re witnessing, reasonable expectations and what you can do to help is key. You can find resources for having these pre-conversations and additional support on the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration website (samhsa.gov). Write down what you’re observing when you hear from Josie. Listen to Josie without judgment and reflect back what you’re hearing, also without judgment. This will make it easier for her to trust you when you offer support or suggest that she seek professional help. (Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.) ©2025 Tribune Content Agency, LLC. ...read more read less