Q. I am 10 years younger than my husband. He happily retired from a successful and stressful executive position several years ago. I love my long-term career in education and am working part-time. My husband would like me to travel with him without my having deadlines or commitments, which means I w ould have to leave my job. I adore my husband yet cannot decide what to do. Also, we are having some difficulty in discussing the subject. Money is not an issue. Any advice? J.L. Your dilemma is part of a success story. And that success story is largely a woman’s story. Although we know that “glass ceilings” still exist, women work, excel and accomplish as well as earn money. They also may have their own vision of retirement. Let’s talk about some considerations that might be helpful.   You are not alone. Nearly half of married couples in 2023 had dual careers, as reported by the Bureau of Labor Statistics. And just under half of couples (43 per cent) do not agree on what age each should retire, according to Fidelity Investments.  “The days when a husband retires with a corporate pension and his wife dutifully follows him on the golf course in Florida are officially over,” wrote Kathleen Hughes in an April 9, 2012 Wall Street Journal piece about retirement.  Clearly, timing is important. For couples, retiring at the same time is most satisfying for each, according to the Urban Institute. And most do. And there is a gender difference. Studies found that men who retire before their wives tend to be less satisfied compared to those who retire together. Of course, there are many exceptions. Furthermore, the greater the age difference, the more likely each partner will retire at different times.  There are reasons that age can be a determining factor. Women often enter the workforce later than men and reach the peak of their careers later than their mates. In many cases, women want to make their mark while men are ready to leave their mark.  Therapists stress the importance of communication and compromise. “Each person needs to clarify their own vision of what’s important and learn to talk with each other,” says retirement coach Dorian Mintzer, co-author of “The Couple’s Retirement Puzzle: 10 Must-Have Conversations for Creating an Amazing New Life Together” (Taylor, Mintz, 2014) as quoted by Hughes in the Wall Street Journal.  Having a conversation is key. Here are a few tips that might be helpful.  Create the proper environment: To avoid distractions, the TV, iPads and cell phones should be off and distractions put away. Actively listen. That means you really hear what the other person is saying. You cannot listen and speak at the same time. Trade roles. The talker needs to become the listener and the listener needs to become the talker. If either assumes only one role, we have a monologue rather than a dialogue.  Show appreciation: Express your appreciation for what your mate is doing or has done. The workplace has a policy manual for showing appreciation. You take a “secretary to lunch,” give a plant or have an office party. There is no manual that tells us how to express appreciation in our personal lives. A simple “thank you” works.  Here are a few more suggestions to consider. If you decide to leave your part-time position as an educator and that role means a great deal to you, think about what you might do as a volunteer in the field that requires a flexible rather than rigid schedule. Line up that position before you leave your work. Figure out a way to stay involved in your field so you do not feel you are giving up your career  If you decide to keep your part-time job, ask your employer or supervisor if you can negotiate the schedule. If that’s not possible and you decide to continue in the same position, explore some flexibility with your mate in planning your next trip.   To avoid harboring resentment, the decision you make is not only with your mind but also with your heart.  J.L., Thank you for your good question. Happy travels and enjoy. And of course, be kind always.  Helen Dennis is a nationally recognized leader on issues of aging and the new retirement with academic, corporate and nonprofit experience. Contact Helen with your questions and comments at Helendenn@gmail.com. Visit Helen at HelenMdennis.com and follow her on facebook.com/SuccessfulAgingCommunity Related Articles Why seeking new challenges may provide opportunities for rewarding growth Why many resist using mobility devices like canes and walkers How to have a rich, fulfilling relationship with grandparents How acting as an unpaid family caregiver affects those who do the work Why it’s important to recognize the work of our caregivers ...read more read less