How Do My Partner and I Handle Cat Custody in Our Breakup?
Apr 02, 2025
Dear Reverend, My partner and I have been together for almost seven years, but we have decided to split up. Everything has been amicable — except when it comes to our cat. We got him as a kitten five years ago, and we both love him very much. We each want custody and can't come to a decisi
on. Help! Kitty Kerfuffle (nonbinary, 37) Dear Kitty Kerfuffle, When Neil Sedaka sang "Breaking Up Is Hard to Do," he really hit the nail on the head. It's even harder when there's a pet involved. Have you and your partner shared cat-related expenses such as food, vet visits and litter? If not, the argument could be made that whoever has been footing the bill has more right to custody. However, that's treating the cat as property, which — although it may be true in the eyes of the law — feels a little icky. A cat is a sentient being, not a bookcase. Cats are territorial creatures, and they can become very stressed by changes in their environment — so much so that serious health issues can result. If either partner is staying in the home in which the cat has spent his life so far, I would say that takes precedence. Of course, some cats aren't fazed by change. I know someone who travels frequently, and when she's gone for more than a week, her cat stays at a friend's house and does just fine. He's also taken car rides up and down the Eastern Seaboard with no problem. He's just an exceptionally chill cat. If your guy is anything like him, shared custody could be a viable option. When living with more than one person, a cat often has a favorite. Does he prefer cuddling or sitting with one of you? Follow one of you around everywhere? It may be hard to admit, but you probably know if he has a preference. And if so, he's basically made the choice for himself. The two of you know your cat better than anyone, but consulting your veterinarian for an informed yet unbiased opinion could also be helpful. As long as you keep your cat's best interests as the most important factor, you'll make the right decision. Good luck and God bless, The Reverend… ...read more read less
