by Wm. Steven Humphrey If you’re reading this, you probably know the value of the Mercury’s news reporting, arts and culture coverage, event calendar, and the bevy of events we host throughout the year. The work we do helps our city shine, but we can ’t do it without your support. If you believe Portland benefits from smart, local journalism and arts coverage, please consider making a small monthly contribution, because without you, there is no us. Thanks for your support! GOOD MORNING, PORTLAND!👋 And basic bitch spring continues this week, with lots of showers, occasional sunbreaks, highs in the mid-50s (until it tumbles to 37 and then leaps back up to 82), with probably some hail, high winds, and probably even some frogs for fuck's sake. (Yes, I do NOT like spring weather—let's not tussle about it. Unless you'd like to tussle with some NEWS?) IN LOCAL NEWS: • Today in "OHHH, NOW YOU LOVE PORTLAND?!?" According to an Oregonian article—one that is problematic from the word "go," since it incorrectly labels 2020's racial justice demonstrations as "anti-police protests" 🙄—a new poll suggests that Portlanders are quickly falling back in love with our city, with 34 percent having a positive perception of downtown, as opposed to 21 percent a year ago. And one of the top reasons for this cheerier attitude? DONALD "ORANGE TURD" TRUMP, who is making Portlanders realize how good we really have it around here, as compared to living among the self-destructing know-nothings of MAGAland. Of course, the article didn't say anything about how local bad actors, like People for Portland, have stopped shit-talking the city nationally since progressives chased them out of town... however, the Oregonian did have the foresight to quote one absolutely correct Portlander who said that he was "a fan of the counter narrative spearheaded by The Portland Mercury’s guerilla “Say Nice Things About Portland!” campaign." 💅  Anyway, welcome back to "Team Portland," everybody! Against a backdrop of federal chaos and uncertainty, some Portland-area residents are finding themselves more grateful for the city, warts and all.[image or embed] — The Oregonian (@oregonian.com) March 30, 2025 at 2:00 PM • On Friday UPS announced it will be laying off a whopping 244 union workers from its North Portland facility on Swan Island, as the company has automated the former employees' tasks. It's unclear how many of the laid-off employees will be given other jobs within the company, and so far the workers' union, Teamsters Local 162, have yet to issue a response.  • In order to please his dark lord and master (as well as his MAGA base), GOP State Sen. David Brock Smith is proposing State Bill 210, which would end mail-in voting in Oregon, require voter ID, and force people to fill out their ballots in person on election day. Despite the wild success of mail-in voting (which has undeniably increased voter turnout), Smith seems intent on helping Trump crush democracy in this corner of the nation, and the first hearing about the bill is set to take place today. (Note: This performative political bullshit will result in absolutely nothing more than your average Republican's dry fart, but remember Smith's name on election day!)   “It was almost overwhelming, all the powder in the sky,” Becerra said. “It was awesome.”[image or embed] — Ryan Haas (@ryanjhaas.bsky.social) March 31, 2025 at 8:01 AM   • Happy 50th anniversary to the Portland Winterhawks junior ice hockey team, who according to the mathematicians at OPB, have "won 15 divisional championships and 13 conference titles since their debut in 1975." My only regret is that the team isn't known for delivering A+ chirps like they do on the hilarious show Shoresy. (For example, "My biggest regret is not serving my country… and I think about it every time I go to war on your mom’s ass.") But, you know... they still have another 50 years to get it right. 🎂 Trivia lovers, rejoice! It's time for another super fun POP QUIZ PDX. This week's quizzy Qs include: Offensive Trump bricks, bloomin' cherry blossoms, and... oh no! Your mom's fave store is closing! 😱 See how well YOU score![image or embed] — Portland Mercury (@portlandmercury.com) March 30, 2025 at 9:45 AM IN NATIONAL/WORLD NEWS: • After a Wisconsin Supreme Court failed to do their job and stop him, Vice President (and world's worst boss) Elon Musk violated the law by handing out $1 million checks to two Wisconsin voters with the purpose of getting a conservative judge, Brad Schimel, elected to the state's highest court. Republicans and Musk very much want to stack the state's supreme court with conservatives in order to carry out their gerrymandering dreams, schemes, and more. Of particular note from the story: "One of the court’s conservative justices has endorsed Schimel, who wore a 'Make America Great Again' hat while campaigning Sunday." The court gave no reason for their absolutely fucking ridiculous ruling.   Protests took place across the world.[image or embed] — Raw Story (@rawstory.com) March 31, 2025 at 5:26 AM   • During a NBC News interview, convicted felon Donald Trump admitted he was planning to do what we all knew he was going to do: Attempt to hold onto the office of the presidency for an unconstitutional third term. Despite the fact that, according to almost any law professor you happen to ask, “there are no credible legal arguments for him to run for a third term”—OF COURSE he's going to try to do it anyway. Don't any of you dare to act shocked.   President Donald Trump has confirmed the White House will remove a magnolia tree from the property that is said to have been planted by President Andrew Jackson nearly 200 years ago.[image or embed] — The Daily Beast (@thedailybeast.bsky.social) March 30, 2025 at 5:28 PM   • Aaaaaaaand Trump's so-far successful attempts to tank the US economy just keep on rolling, with his announcement last night that retaliatory tariffs would “start with all countries” starting Wednesday.... aaaaaaaaand stocks once again went into the shitter. The stock market had already suffered its second-worst day of the year on Friday... but just you wait until Wednesday! • France's far-right party leader, Marine Le Pen, has been sentenced to four years in prison and banned from holding public office for at least five years, after a court found her guilty of embezzling European Union funds. The verdict has inflicted a severe blow to the country's conservative party and could very easily spell the end to Le Pen's political career hee-hee-heeeeeeee! • And finally, Monday morning, coming at you like.... @benj4jm JSJAKAKAJAKKA #Viral #santiago #fantasilandia #fyp #chile #tsunami #viralchile ♬ sonido original - benj? ...read more read less