ARIES (Mar. 21-Apr. 19): Ancient Rome's emperor Julius Caesar undertook a radical move to fix the calendar, which had become increasingly inaccurate as the centuries passed. He added three months to the year 46 BC, which as a result was 445 days long. I'm thinking that 2025 might seem equall y long for you, Aries. Your destiny may feel like it's taking forever to unfold. APRIL FOOL! I totally lied. In fact, I think 2025 will be one of your briskest, crispest years ever. Your adventures will be spiced with alacrity. Your efforts will be efficient and expeditious. You may sometimes be amazed at how swiftly progress unfolds. TAURUS (Apr. 20-May 20): Guilt and fear are always useless distractions from what's really happening. Right? APRIL FOOL! The fact is that on rare occasions, being anxious can motivate you to escape from situations that your logical mind says are tolerable. And guilt may compel you to take the right action when nothing else will. This is one time when your guilt and fear can be valuable assets. GEMINI (May 21-Jun. 20): The German word Flüsterwitze means "whisper jokes." These jests make taboo references and need to be delivered with utmost discretion. They may include the mockery of authority figures. Dear Gemini, I recommend that you suppress your wicked satire and uproarious sarcasm for a while and stick to whisper jokes. APRIL FOOL! I lied. The truth is that the world needs your outspokenness. Your ability to call out hypocrisies and expose corruption — especially with humor and wit— will keep everyone as honest as they need to be. CANCER (Jun. 21-Jul. 22): In the lead-up to the Paris-hosted 2024 Summer Olympics, the iconic Eiffel Tower was repainted gold. This was a departure from tradition, as the usual colors had been brown on the bottom and red on the top. The $60 million job took 25 painters 18 months. I recommend that you undertake an equally monumental task in the coming months, Cancerian. APRIL FOOL! I lied. In fact, I do hope you undertake a monumental task — but one that's more substantive than changing the surfaces of things. Like revisioning your life story, for example — reinterpreting your past and changing the way it informs your future. I think you are ready to purge inessential elements and exorcize old ghosts as you prepare for a relaunch around your birthday. LEO (Jul… ...read more read less