ROCHESTER, N.Y. (WROC) — The Brighton community, and beyond, is still reeling after the tragic loss of a middle school girl and her grandmother at the hands of the girl's father in what police say was a terrible act of domestic violence. Child, 11, among 3 dead after Brighton murder-suicide: police Community leaders at Willow Domestic Violence Center are reminding the public about the range of resources available to those who may be experiencing domestic violence and those looking to be a support. Lisa Noland is the Director of Prevention Education at Willow who explains there are increases in cases around the holiday season, but it is something happening in communities across the county and year-round. "Unfortunately, DV is an issue that happens everywhere. It doesn't have any boundaries or discriminate based on your income, based on your neighborhood. We've certainly seen that across Monroe County for years and years. We've reported numbers that are close to 50/50 split between city and between suburbs of where we see clients who are experiencing DV," Noland said. "If you're experiencing DV, there's help and support out there for you. We're here at Willow, there are other resources out in the community 24 hours that can help and support you. We want survivors to know that they're not alone. If you're experiencing this in your home whether it's the holidays or not, you don't have to do this alone. There's people and support and resources out there who can help you," she added. Over the weekend, Brighton Police identified the victims in the murder-suicide as 11-year-old Anne Mancuso, and her maternal grandmother, Mary Liccini. Anne was a 6th grader at Twelve Corners Middle School, described by her district as a 'gift' to not only her family, friends and teachers, but the whole community. The district had counseling services available as students, faculty and staff returned to school Monday morning after the long winter break with community counseling available at the Middle School Monday evening from 6:00 p.m. - 8:00 p.m. Brighton lights up to honor 6th grader killed in murder-suicide When it comes to talking to your own children, or for those who may work with children, Noland shared this advice: "One of the most important things about parenting: when there's a DV issue and certainly one as tragic as this one — is keeping the lines of communication open with your kids. Even young kids, although they might not understand the full scope, they understand a lot more then we give them credit for sometimes, so really being honest with them at an age-appropriate level," she said. "Asking them questions and allowing them to ask questions - and they're going to ask probably a lot of questions and they're probably going to ask the same questions over and over because their brains are trying to make sense and process what's happening. So really being patient with our children, but really, TALK TO YOUR KIDS! If they're not talking about it, ask them about it. It's in there, their friends are definitely talking about it, and you want to make sure that you understand what their experience is, as well." For those who may be experiencing domestic violence, it can show up in many ways and is not something easily defined. Noland explained, while mental health status and/or substance use/abuse may be factors contributing to an increased risk of domestic violence, those are not considered causes. She noted domestic violence is a learned behavior. "Most of the time when we're thinking about DV, people are looking for physical signs of abuse; bruising and scaring but what happens long before the physical piece is other types of abuse and we see that verbal and emotional," Noland said. "It's name-calling, it's put-downs, it's the control of movement. It's tracking people's location, it's shaming and blaming a survivor; making them feel guilty for anything; that stuff is happening long, long, long before we're seeing any signs of physical violence in a relationship. Once we're seeing physical violence, that's the end of the cycle, not the beginning so we have to know that a lot of things have happened before that, and we need to back up and think about the pattern." Willow defines domestic violence as one actor exercising power and control over another. While it, again, is challenging to ascertain, there are other warning signs which may indicate a bigger problem. "So, when we're looking at that pattern of power control, we are looking at behaviors like isolation from friends and family, we're looking at control of finances, we're looking at control of children, really a control of choices. When somebody feels like they don't have choices, their choices are extremely limited, or they fear making decisions of what the consequences will be. Those are behaviors that we're looking out for as red flags," Noland said. For those looking to be a support or wanting to help in whatever way possible, a crucial component is keeping the lines of communication open and consistent. "If you know someone who is experiencing DV, if you're worried about them, reach out to them. Say, 'Hey I'm thinking about you. Hey, do you need help? Can I support you? What do you need?' and then stick with them. don't leave them behind, don't let them feel alone," Noland said, and expanded, "If you're a community member and you're trying to help somebody, it's the same thing: understanding what their barriers are so you don't rush to judgement to say 'just get out of there, just change your phone number and "just..." fill-in-the-blank, whatever. If it was that easy, they would do it. It's not, we have to understand this is a very complicated issue." Willow has a 24/7 hotline which can be a bridge to connecting with a wealth of other resources. When a person connects with the Center, it is free, confidential and there are no obligations for any action. "What happens when you call our hotline is that we're just going to ask you questions about what's going on, and we're going to listen. And we're going to listen without judgement and without forcing anybody to do anything that they don't want to do. If you want to call us and just talk, great; if you want to call us and use all the resources and make all the other phone calls to other places, we'll help you do that. The control is in your hands with us on what you want to do. It is in your hands. We don't make decisions on behalf of other people," Noland said. Willow can be reached at 585-222-7233 via text or call, as well as on its website.