by Wm. Steven Humphrey If you’re reading this, you probably know the value of the Mercury’s news reporting, arts and culture coverage, event calendar, and the bevy of events we host throughout the year. The work we do helps our city shine, but we can’t do it without your support. If you believe Portland benefits from smart, local journalism and arts coverage, please consider making a small monthly contribution, because without you, there is no us. Thanks for your support! GOOD MORNING, PORTLAND!👋 After days of near-ceaseless rain the sun will return today, as well as the next few days, mixed in with damnable showers. (I KNOW THE RAIN PREVENTS WILD FIRES—CAN YOU NOT JUST LET ME GRIEVE MY PRECIOUS SUN?) On a separate topic, here's your reminder to send in your FREE Mercury Reader Valentine for that special someone in your life by January 15 if you want to see it in our upcoming Love/Sex Issue, in print and on the streets in 500 spots around town! And fill out our anonymous Sex Survey as well, so the entirety of Portland can see how fabulously horny you are. Now... are you horny for some NEWS? I am! IN LOCAL NEWS: • New Multnomah County District Attorney Nathan Vasquez is apparently already trying to fill the void that will soon be left by outgoing Commissioner Rene Gonzlaez, by making a show of buddying up the cops, blaming the shortage of public defenders on the defenders themselves (??), and attempting to solve Oregon's addiction crisis by... [checks notes]... building more jail cells to the tune of $40-to-$50 million—money that the county clearly doesn't have. (See, this is what happens when the populace is tricked by bad actors who falsely proclaim the metro area is overrun by crime, when the data clearly shows otherwise—you get a conservative, showboat DA whose bad ideas were going out of style a decade ago.) This interview is worth reading for this exchange alone:  "Wilson: When you say “defense attorney work stoppage,” what do you mean? "Vasquez: I hear it referred to as a defense attorney crisis. I don’t accept that. I don’t agree with that terminology."[image or embed] — Ryan Haas (@ryanjhaas.bsky.social) January 6, 2025 at 7:52 AM  •  One month after incoming Mayor Keith Wilson told city workers that he expected them to come back into the office at least four days per week—and got a shellacking for his trouble—Wilson is backpedaling, with his office saying that while he plans on working with employees to get them back into the office asap, that probably won't happen in 2025.  • The Eastport Shopping Plaza in the Jade District has been sold to the Hong Phat group—the owners of the Hong Phat Supercenter, which happily replaced a shuttered 82nd Ave Walmart last summer. The new owners say they want to make the plaza a centerpiece of the Jade District, which currently houses a Cinemark Theater, LA Fitness, and one of four Hong Phat Supercenters. • Fans of the runaway Hood River cow will either rejoice or mourn the fact that the bovine has been caught and returned to its keeper. On New Year's Day the cow was seen celebrating on I-84 after escaping its pen and making a break for it by swimming across the Columbia River. As it turns out, escaping to build a new life is exhausting, and the cow has been captured after being too tired to continue on its own. Oh, but even briefly chewing on the cud of freedom must have been so sweet. It's time to submit your FREE Mercury Valentine for your lovers and/or friends! The first 800 valentines will be featured in our upcoming Love & Sex issue in print. But hurry, hurry... deadline for print inclusion is January 15! ❤️🏃‍♀️www.portlandmercury.com/luv/2025/01/...[image or embed] — Portland Mercury (@portlandmercury.bsky.social) January 2, 2025 at 11:19 AM IN NATIONAL/WORLD NEWS: • Happy Domestic Terrorist Day (to those who celebrate, which is mostly Republicans and other MAGA cult members). Four years after the January 6 attack on the nation's capitol, a joint session of the House and Senate will convene today to certify Trump's election victory, which will most likely be uneventful since the party of domestic terrorists got the candidate they asked for. Trump has indicated he may pardon many of the 1,600 January 6 defendants and let them off the hook, much to the concern of the Capitol Police, 140 of whom were attacked, traumatized, and which resulted in the suicide of four officers.  “House Democrats are not election deniers. That sentiment speaks for itself,” Rep. Hakeem Jeffries, D-N.Y., told Semafor when asked if anyone from his caucus planned to object to certification.[image or embed] — Semafor (@semafor.com) January 6, 2025 at 5:02 AM • Canada's Prime Minister Justin Trudeau is reportedly planning on stepping down as the leader of his liberal party today, setting the stage for a battle over who will be his successor. For now, the beleaguered leader—who is the recipient of disastrous opinion polls, and facing tariff pressure from incoming orange turd Donald Trump—intends to remain prime minister, until the general election on October 20. • Meanwhile, Trump's attorneys are desperately trying to shut down a judge's plan to sentence the incoming convicted felon president this Friday, while they attempt to appeal the guilty-as-fuck verdict handed down in his hush money case. National hero—who's actually just doing his job—Judge Juan M. Merchan has refused to postpone or cancel the sentencing just because Trump is about to return to office, even though the final decision probably won't include the jail time he so rightly deserves. Hundreds of thousands of customers from Missouri to Virginia are experiencing power outages as the wide-reaching storm drops more than a foot of snow with more heavy impacts still to come. wapo.st/3BJG4O0[image or embed] — The Washington Post (@washingtonpost.com) January 6, 2025 at 6:34 AM • Comedian Nikki Glaser—who's coming to Portland in February, don'tchaknow—slayed as the host of last night's Golden Globe Awards, in which the big winners (other than sharp comedy lovers) were FX’s “Shōgun” and Netflix’s “Emilia Pérez," both of which took home four awards, Demi Moore (who won "best film actress" for her role in The Substance), and A24's The Brutalist, which was awarded "best drama film" and delivered a "best actor" award for star Adrien Brody. • And finally... have you decided what new skill you'll master in 2025? Here's a suggestion: @rawlinsness Have you accepted the swiff as your lord and savior? ♬ You Spin Me Round (Like a Record) - Dead Or Alive