Christmas is nearly here and in some cases, depending on when you’re reading this exactly, perhaps it’s already here. Soon children will have ransacked their presents like soccer hooligans rioting after a big win, parents are nursing their patience as the holiday preparations and presentations are completed and grandparents are sitting back with smug smiles because technically, Christmas responsibilities are no longer their concern. I hope we’ve all been looking forward to Christmas and everything it brings: time with friends and family, gift-giving, joining the viewing of the greatest Christmas movie ever put to film “Die Hard,” and all of the other things that come along with the holiday. However, with all of the typical yule wishes for good cheer and good will towards our fellow human beings, there is one thing that still befuddles my festive mind. Cologne and perfume commercials. This is something that I’ve written about before, but the mystery of the meaning of any of these commercials fails to make any sense. Also, I can’t think of anything else to write about, so we’re going to talk about actor Channing Tatum leaping between a pair of rocky cliffs to catch an arrow. For years, I’ve pondered the plans of advertising companies when presenting these products to people for the holidays,  which tends to go through Valentine’s Day. The intent is clear, coax amorous feelings for a loved one by enticing them to purchase supposedly nice-smelling liquids. I for one never liked cologne of any sort, so I smell as drab as I look, but this is a multi-million dollar industry so the commercials keep coming. Granted, before you get up in an uproar, I understand you can’t convey smells through a TV and not all of us walk into Macy’s to be assaulted by people spraying the products at us. I’m not even sure that’s available any more. These companies require dynamic advertising. More than a few of us who watch TV are familiar with the handsome fellow dressed like a Greek boxer, stepping on a platform and shooting an arrow into the sky for some reason associated to smelling nice. Or Johnny Depp walking across a desert with a pack of wolves, dramatically strumming a guitar and digging a hole. And let’s not forget the ladies. Remember the one where Charlize Theron (I think) walks out of a pool of water and then strides purposefully forward to thumping music and an entourage of models. There’s a vast array of these types of commercials with names oftentimes French sounding and said in a sexy voice in the hopes that we’ll jump off the couch and yell, “I’ll take it!” Meanwhile, I’m just sitting on said couch wondering why homely people don’t get to do commercials. Are we being left out by good looking elitists? What does any of this mean? Why is this woman running up a mountain with horses? Why is Channing Tatum looking stoic and self-satisfied over the vast desert after catching said arrow? I mean, catching an arrow while jumping cliffs would be a pretty big accomplishment. “Yeah, I just caught an arrow,” his look says, presumably as he hears through telepathic means, the swooning of all those who just watched his commercial. Jokes on you Channing. I didn’t swoon once. The post The Wide Angle: Something smells funny appeared first on Austin Daily Herald.