Writer, filmmaker and musician Benjamin Wagner. Photo: John Shearer Writer: Andrea Love The single most defining moment of Benjamin Wagner’s life took place more than 20 years ago, when he met his neighbor for the first time. It was 2001, and Wagner was visiting his mother in Nantucket to celebrate his 30th birthday. As he stood on the lawn overlooking the sea, he heard a familiar voice call out in greeting. Wagner quickly recognized the approaching neighbor as Fred Rogers, creator and host of the groundbreaking children’s television show “Mister Rogers’ Neighborhood.” With a sense of childlike awe, Wagner shook the TV icon’s hand, initiating a deep friendship that would last until Rogers died in 2003. Wagner, who was born in Iowa City, is a writer, filmmaker and musician. He’s now preparing for the 2025 PBS premiere of his second documentary film, “Friends & Neighbors,” inspired by the wisdom of his real-life friend and neighbor. In 2001, Wagner met children’s television icon Fred Rogers, whose philosophies on emotional intelligence inspired Wagner to create two documentaries decades later. Photo provided by Benjamin Wagner. “The greatest gift you ever give is your honest self.” — Fred Rogers The day after their first meeting, Rogers invited Wagner to his Nantucket home for a tour, during which Rogers talked about his life’s work and passion for creating safe spaces for children to learn life lessons. One of these lessons was the importance of recognizing and understanding one’s own emotions and caring about others’. Reciprocally, Wagner talked about his own budding career at MTV News in New York City. Wagner admitted that living among the chaos of “the city that never sleeps” was challenging for him. Because his family had moved so often throughout his childhood, and his parents went through a messy divorce, he realized he’d never truly known what a “home” felt like. While they sipped lemonade, Rogers gently asked more about Wagner’s childhood and his parents’ divorce, topics that were usually uncomfortable for him to discuss. Rogers “made me feel safe on a topic that otherwise was unsafe,” Wagner recalled. At the age of 30, he felt that society wanted him to stop grappling with the childhood experiences that still haunted him. “Not only did [Rogers] ask, he sat there quietly and listened. And then he said, ‘That must have been really difficult for you.’ He made me feel OK in just a tiny enough way.” Rogers then shared a core belief about the human experience: “I feel so strongly that deep and simple is far more essential than shallow and complex.” Two weeks later, Wagner watched from a couple blocks away as the twin towers fell. Over the next year, Wagner kept thinking about that statement. Was he focused enough on the deep and simple, or was he wasting his time in a shallow and complex culture? When he returned to Nantucket a year later for his 31st birthday, he told Rogers how much that statement had inspired him. In response, Rogers leaned closer and said simply, “Spread the message.” A few years after Rogers’ death, Wagner acted on that nudge. He and his older brother, Christofer, an award-winning video editor, co-produced “Mister Rogers & Me,” a documentary about Wagner’s friendship with Rogers, and his mission to make everyone he met feel seen, heard and cared about. In 2012, the film premiered on PBS and won several awards at film festivals across the country. “The child in me is still and sometimes not so still.” — Fred Rogers For the next eight years, Wagner continued to climb the corporate ladder in New York. He was married with two daughters and traveled frequently in a new media executive role with Facebook. Judging by outward appearances, he was thriving; internally, he felt “like something was missing. Something felt broken.” Despite taking medication for anxiety, he began experiencing panic attacks, and the weight of his depression led to self-medicating with alcohol. As the COVID pandemic crested, so did Wagner’s mental health crisis. His inner chaos had become unmanageable. That’s when he decided to quit his job and seek help. He started counseling and was diagnosed with post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), stemming from his childhood. Through hard work and desire — deep and simple — to live a healthier life, Wagner engaged in trauma therapy to work through the debilitating emotions his body had stored since his youth. The process inspired him again to “spread the message,” this time about the profound impact of human experiences, both harmful and healing. “When I was a boy, and I would see scary things in the news, my mother would say to me, ‘Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping.’” — Fred Rogers Wagner said “Friends & Neighbors,” produced again with the help of his brother, tries to show how access to safe spaces for authentic conversations is essential for mental health. He hopes the film unleashes the potential for healing that’s readily available in every community, through programs and professionals who want to help. In the documentary, Wagner travels back, literally and figuratively, to his Iowa roots. His parents are from Waterloo, and many of his relatives remain in Waterloo and Cedar Rapids. Through the lens of his childhood, he explores his own early struggles as well as the traumas his family passed down from one generation to the next. He asks his parents tough questions about their tumultuous marriage and his childhood, while illustrating his own memories through animated clips. The stark differences between each version of his family’s shared experiences capture the complexity of the human mind. The film also features community “helpers,” the mental health professionals Wagner consults about the causes and effects of stress, anxiety and trauma; the state of mental health care in America; and the physical, mental and emotional benefits of trauma-healing methods like eye movement desensitization and reprocessing (EMDR) and cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT). Kelli Rae Powell. Photo: Duane Tinkey Wagner also interviews his friend Kelli Rae Powell, a Des Moines mental health counselor who specializes in music therapy. She describes how negative childhood experiences can have long-term health consequences. “One of the things that really woke us up as a society was the ACE study in the ’80s,” Powell said. According to that research, adverse childhood experiences among children under 17 can increase risks for long-term physical, behavioral and social challenges, including substance use, cardiovascular diseases and shortened life spans. “Most insurances will cover trauma therapy because it is evidence-backed, researched-based, and it works,” Powell said. “It’s almost like getting an antibiotic for strep throat. We know it works.” “We’ve also known since the ’90s that our brains are neuroplastic, which means we can rewire our brains until the day we die,” she added. “PTSD is so incredibly treatable. It’s wild how treatable it is.” Even so, she emphasized that qualified therapists never push clients to do anything they aren’t comfortable with. “You only ever have to go deep as you want to go.” “The connections we make in the course of a life — maybe that’s what heaven is.” — Fred Rogers By sharing his own story and those of his friends and neighbors from his current home in Delaware, Wagner’s film sheds light on trauma and how its treatment could benefit America’s collective well-being. It’s already sparked conversations among individuals and communities nationwide through film screenings and Q&A sessions. One way or another, Wagner aims to reconnect people with one another, even in a post-pandemic world plagued by social, racial and political divisions. In the meantime, he continues on his own journey to healing through therapy, sobriety and practicing mindfulness. He is also working on his first book — another way to honor his friend and neighbor’s nudge to “spread the message.” As Wagner put it, “I’m on the other side of a profound change that I wouldn’t take back.” Benjamin Wagner, right, and his older brother Christofer in their childhood home. (The Iowa pennant now hangs in Wagner’s office.) Photo provided by Benjamin Wagner. “Friends & Neighbors” is slated for national release in 2025. Find more content from Wagner, like his “Friends & Neighbors” podcast, on his website benjaminwagner.com. “Mister Rogers & Me” is available to stream on Amazon Prime, Apple TV and PBS.