Defying relentless rain and wind gusts, Jansay Sparks comforted her grandchildren in a dim parking lot on Liberty street, flanked by more than a dozen friends and family members.Sparks and her loved ones had come to the lot on this cold, wet night to remember Qian Adams, Sparks’ son. The vigil commemorated one year since a Syracuse Police Department patrol car driven by officer Christopher Cramer hit and killed Adams, who was riding a Veo electric bike.Adams’ loved ones released balloons, wore red and black shirts with Qian’s face and name, and spoke words in his memory.“This broke my family up,” Sparks said. “My girls, they’re not the same anymore.”They remembered “Butter,” the nickname bestowed upon Qian as an infant that followed him through his life. Qian was born with jaundice, and his godmother quipped that he looked like a butterball.In the year since the collision, Qian’s loved ones have not been able to fill the hole in their lives.Adams’ family members have spent the last year chasing closure. An investigation into the crash by the New York State Attorney General’s office is still open, a spokesperson for the office said. The spokesperson said the office has no updates on the crash. In June, Sparks filed a lawsuit against Cramer, the city, the police department and VeoRide, inc. That lawsuit is also ongoing.The lack of a conclusion to the investigation – or even any updates – has taken a toll on Sparks, and has come to dominate her life. She tries not to dwell on the loss of Qian, but finds herself returning to her son’s memory, wondering how she could have prevented his death.“I gotta fight my demons every day, just to try to be here for the rest of them,” Sparks said.After the CrashWhen Qian didn’t return after telling his sister he was making a quick run to a nearby gas station, Tia Adams called their mother.Sparks knew something was wrong. It wasn’t like her son. If he said he would be right back, he would be right back.She began calling hospitals shortly after 1 a.m. asking for her son, for any John Does, for any possible information on where Qian could be.Just as she gave up calling around 5 a.m., Syracuse police officers knocked on her window to tell her that her son was involved in a crash and was currently at Upstate Medical Facility.The crash happened fewer than four blocks from Adams’ home. Sparks and her daughters weren’t allowed to see Qian as a family. Sparks says employees at Upstate told her the light wasn’t working in the room where Qian lay, that the room was too small for three people, that there was a rule limiting visitors to a maximum of two at a time. Devastating injuries. Few consequences. How frequent NY police crashes wreck lives. by David Robinson, USA Today Network—New York February 13, 2024 How a Syracuse police officer crashed department cars 12 times and remained on the force  by Chris Libonati September 18, 2024 In NY Attorney General probes of fatal police car crashes, officers almost never face blame by Evan Butow, USA Today Network—New York May 29, 2024 Dozens of NY police officers have crashed their cars repeatedly. Nothing’s stopping them by Finn Lincoln September 27, 2024 Just 3% of NY police training is devoted to emergency driving skills. It’s not enough. by David Robinson, USA Today Network—New York February 13, 2024 This NY cop ran a red light going almost 90 mph and killed a young father. He still has his badge.  by Kayla Canne, Rochester Democrat and Chronicle March 12, 2024 How we reported on the heavy cost of hundreds of NY police crashes  by Sarah Taddeo, USA Today Network—New York February 19, 2024 “I didn’t see my son ‘til the day of the funeral, and I noticed what his face looked like,” Sparks said. “When the coroner hit me up about her findings, they didn’t tell me how messed up my son was.”At the funeral, Sparks also noted that the coroner had gloved Qian’s hands. She wanted to remove the gloves and see what injuries she thought they may be hiding, but wasn’t able to. Sparks doesn’t remember much of the funeral but did remember the outpouring of love from Qian’s friends and family. Sixteen people wanted to be pallbearers at the service.She felt disrespected in the aftermath of Qian’s death. Other than a brief mention by Police Chief Joseph Cecile in a press conference, no one from the department or city directly apologized for her son’s death, she said. Sparks felt that the people that should have been there for her had needlessly made things harder for her and treated her son’s death with indifference.“Who does that to a person?” Sparks said, pausing. “That’s already broken?” Life in LimboThe crash that took the life of Sparks’ son has come to dominate her own life.In the months following the tragedy, Sparks tried to lose herself in her work at AccessCNY and the Hampton Inn.Later, though, a sciatic nerve pinch caused pain so intense and limiting that Sparks has been out of work since June. Sparks believes the stress from Qian’s death caused her physical strain.Without work, Sparks fixates on her son. He was her helper, she said. Her physical ailment puts her son’s absence in even clearer focus. “I see my son’s beautiful smile. He’d come to help me. He’d come to my house and help me get my laundry to the laundromat,” Sparks said. “Man, he used to help me out a lot.”She asks for updates in the Attorney General’s investigation and her own lawsuit, but doesn’t hear new information. She thinks of the security footage from a nearby camera that captures the crash, the footage she has heard described by her lawyer but can’t bring herself to watch.Qian Adams, left, is pictured with his mother, Jansay Sparks, right. Sparks, friends and family gathered Dec. 11, 2024 to remember Adams. Credit: Courtesy of Jansay SparksHer anti-anxiety medication used to calm her in five minutes. Now it takes 30 minutes. Sparks’ provider upped her dose. Her anger and frustration at Cramer, the officer who crashed his car into her son, has only intensified. She believes remorse from Cramer would help bring her closure.“I’m upset and I’m hurt. My son got killed. And for you to be free, happy, smiling, enjoying your life for a whole year, and still nothing?” Sparks said of Cramer, who was placed on paid leave after the collision.Sparks said that Qian taught her everything that love was about, and feels that Cramer took that from her.“I never had any male figure or a female figure that would love me unconditionally, regardless of flaws or whatever,” Sparks said of her only son. Sparks has since moved to a different home in an attempt to distance herself from the painful memories.She recalls everything about “Butter” — his thick skin, his favorite Rod Wave song, his smile,his inclination to help his family, his contagious happiness. Her mind lands on her last birthday, October 2023. Qian taught her how to ride a Veo. ‘We just want simple answers’After the walk to the rain-soaked vigil, Adams’ longtime friends stood in his kitchen, sharing childhood memories of their friend.In all their memories, “Butter” was always smiling.Ameen Buchanan smiled as he remembered first meeting Qian through his younger sister, Tia Adams. The loss of his friend is still central in Buchanan’s mind, but he says he tries to laugh to keep from crying. “He wanted everybody to be happy, and it’s hard to be happy when you like the glue of people being happy, if you’re the center of cracking jokes and all that.” Buchanan said of his friend. “Now you not here no more. It’s hard to be happy now.”Sometimes, Buchanan gets the urge to text or call his friend, even though he knows he won’t get through. The last time he called, a woman answered. Buchanan was surprised the number had already been given to a new user.“They took an innocent person’s life,” Buchanan said.Buchanan bonded with Adams through b.i.k.e. Syracuse, a bike club created in 2005 for “inner city, at-risk children.” Their friend Manny Mateo also participated in the club with them, saying it helped keep them out of the streets.Together, the trio – sometimes joined by Tia Adams – would bike around the city, and even participate in high school bike racing leagues.  In NY Attorney General probes of fatal police car crashes, officers almost never face blame Mateo said that compared to the other high schoolers, he and his friends were underprepared. Their competitors had fancy uniforms, racing glasses, backpacks with water pouches, shoes that clipped into the bike pedals, and other accessories.Adams, Buchanan, and Mateo had “$20 WalMart shoes, ripped up basketball shorts, a t-shirt and a 12-ounce bottle of water,” according to Mateo.“We came into those races knowing that, we’re not gonna win, we’re not gonna place good, but we’re doing something that we want to do,” Mateo said. “We’re doing something that we enjoy, that not a lot of people that come from where we come from get to do.”It was Qian, Mateo remembered, who encouraged them to compete, regardless of the odds stacked against them. Qian was always optimistic, Mateo said.To honor their friend, Buchanan and Mateo told their old biking coach that they are going to race in the Black Fly Challenge (a 40-mile bike race in the Adirondacks). Qian’s friends, like Sparks, feel there has been a lack of transparency around the crash that killed Qian. “When things get tough, and we just want simple answers, we just get a brick wall,” Mateo said.He and Buchanan agreed that the handling of the crash reflects the racial bias of the justice system and American culture.“If Qian was from Camillus, if Qian was from Skaneateles, even the town of Onondaga, Cicero, North Syracuse, any of those other areas, and he was just a couple shades lighter, I’m talking national attention,” Mateo said. “But this story has barely left ‘Cuse. That’s the worst part.”Tia, Qian’s sister, introduced Qian to Mateo and Buchanan. She tagged along when the group hung out. Tia helped Qian get his job at TGI Fridays, and shared an apartment with her big brother.It was Tia who lent her brother her credit card when he left for the gas station. It is Tia that is still grappling with someone saying “be right back” before never returning.“He left, and he never came back home,” Tia Adams said.On Wednesday, Qian’s daughters tried to protect others from the rain with their child-sized umbrellas. They, too, struggle with the loss. Sparks says they have gotten into fights at school, which never happened before.Sparks herself can’t seem to find that same joy that her family and Qian’s friends found in reminiscing about him.“I can’t get my smile back,” Sparks said. Read more of central current’s coverage New York Focus spent 6 months listening to what New Yorkers need from the news. Here’s what they found. 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