NORTH DAKOTA (KXNET) — Balancing work deadlines while also dealing with the needs of kids isn't easy for anyone. The holidays can be a lot with performances, parties, and gift obligations, not just for family but teachers too, and questions about family get-togethers make it even harder. Dr. Andrew Obritsch from Essentia Health said the additional stress could, "be a wide variety of things, but generally speaking for most people, it's going to be the two F's: financial and familial." Many parents are feeling the "mother lode" of stress even before the holidays hit with the extra demands. "Parents of adult children have talked about kids coming home and coordinating schedules and things to really get everyone together for the holidays, which can actually be a source of contention before the holiday even gets there," Dr. Obritsch added. But what should parents do when this happens? Experts are saying that parents can start by rethinking expectations, asking for help, handling family strategically, and giving themselves something to look forward to in January. The first question to answer, posed by psychologist Anna Seewald, is to identify how you want to feel during the holiday season. "It could be cozy and warm," Seewald said. "So everything you do during the holiday season — the shopping, the cooking, the getting together — you can always pause and ask yourself this question: Is this making me feel cozy and warm? Is this aligned with my intention?" Your answer can help you decide if you want to say yes or no to an invitation. "Take a brief step back and say that during the holidays, people can easily get out of routine. Try to stay true to your normal routine if you can," Dr. Obritsch said. "Humans are very much creatures of habit, and when we get out of our habits, it can be an extra source of stress." 5 ways to curb emotional eating around the holidays Another thing parents can consider is the source of their expectations, like feeling the pressure from social media to have matching PJs with the family. Parents can also reconsider their past traditions to see if they still align. "Give yourself permission to do it differently, because you are in a different place today," said therapist Kimberly Solo. "Just because for the past 10 years you've done it that way doesn't mean you have to continue at the cost of your mental health or sanity." Typically, women are the "default parents" when they take on the planning and organization of the family, and during the holidays, the workload increases. It's important to ask other family members for help and to pitch in to split up the duties. Dr. Obritsch noted that two things people can do to get ahead and prevent additional stress is to make lists within reason and have an appropriate level of planning. Write down lists for meals, and who gets Christmas cards, but also utilize a calendar for commitments and have conversations with your significant other about what events to go to. In some families, the gifts just stack up, and Seewald said that it is possible to cut down on gifts without being a Grinch. Instead, parents can ask for donations to a charity they choose with their kids, or each family member could pick one kid to buy for. Another option includes having kids donate their toys to make room for new ones. A lot of families have colorful characters they get together with, and it's important to have reasonable expectations of them, assuming they don't change. Make sure to have an exit plan in place before going in case you have to make a quick getaway. A pro tip for families is to start planning to do something in January that doesn't involve taking care of other people. Dr. Obritsch has two final reminders for everyone this holiday season. One is that the holiday season may be difficult for some people, especially for those who have lost a loved one. The other is to remember the reason for the season and that things don't have to be perfect. Close Thanks for signing up! Watch for us in your inbox. Subscribe Now Today's Top Stories SIGN UP NOW