KANSAS CITY, Mo. -- It is a common worry of today’s parents: Is my child addicted to their smart phone and the internet? Specialists say bad digital habits can ruin a child’s ability to socialize in person, to achieve in school, and make developmental problems even worse. It’s no wonder so many adults try to get their kids off the phone. However, experts and researchers are finding that approach may not only backfire, but the problem may be how much time the parents are spending on their phones. Two Kearney 18-year-olds, one man killed in multi-state police chase Whether they know it or not, today's children are pioneers. They are the first generation ever to be totally raised in a digital world. They've never known life without the internet or that constant companion for most of kids and adults, the smartphone. “In this generation we're just going to keep learning more and more because it's kind of a social experiment,” said Tracy Foster, the director and cofounder of Screen Sanity, a Kansas City help group for families having problems with this new technology. “We can be so quick to jump in,” said Foster, “before really taking stock of what are going to be the good things about this, and what are the bad things." In the process, Foster says, it opened up difficulties for children, but also for parents who felt uncomfortable and behind-the-curve when it came to guiding internet kids. “We saw parents basically abdicating their role as parents,” Foster said, “because they didn't know what to do.” And that has created widespread problems. 33 gang members arrested in Kansas City-wide sweep to prevent violence “There is such a need. So many people are suffering, kids and parents, and they're suffering alone,” Foster said. So, she says the staff at Screen Sanity took a particular approach. “From the beginning, we really focused on trying to equip the parents,” Foster said. It turns out, often, the parents themselves were spending hours with their iPhone and that was sending the wrong message. Just ask Dr. Libby Milkovich, a developmental behavioral pediatrician and researcher at Children’s Mercy Hospital. She specializes in the relationship between parents, children, and technology. Her interest in the subject had a personal beginning: At the time, she had just had a child herself. “I was there at home with the baby,” said Milkovich, “checking my emails and patient messages.” She said suddenly she realized something. “That was interrupting that relationship development that I was having with my newborn infant,” Milkovich said. She also realized that she probably wasn’t alone. “So, I thought we should probably have some research around that,” Milkovich said. See the latest headlines in Kansas City and across Kansas, Missouri She began by focusing on what was a growing problem with some of her child patients. Milkovich describes it as, “the need to feel like you have to be constantly connected to the internet.” Dr. Milkovich found that this concern affected their schooling and relationships. But she also found something that almost seemed counter-intuitive at first. “If a parent is really strict on how much time they (a child) spend(s) on the screen, it has some impact, but very minimal," she advised. She also found something else. Often when an adult is worried about a child’s time on their smartphone: “The parents are asking their child to not be constantly connected to their phone and to not feel they that need to check it all the time.” But Milkovich found these same parents also get upset when their child doesn't respond to them immediately, even while they are in class. “I think we need a little bit of self-reflection before we blame the child or adolescent for their behavior,” Milkovich said. Download the FOX4 News app on iPhone and Android So, what actually helps kids most? The doctor says it’s what they see the adults doing with their own smartphones, how much time they spend on it, etc. “What is the most impactful are the parent's digital media habits," the doctor said. Tracy Foster agrees. “If they see you on the floor one minute when they're little playing with Legos,” Foster said, “and the next minute you're enthralled with your phone, they know that that's capturing your attention, too.” In short, both experts agree that, “do as I say, not as I do” doesn’t work with kids and technology. Foster also says that, often, the beginning of a solution is the parent making an honest admission to their child. “This a really powerful topic for teens,” she said. “When (an adult) can say, ‘Gosh, I notice I can barely put my phone down.' It opens up the conversation at a level of vulnerability that we can't naturally have with a lot of other topics," Foster said. Screen Sanity has developed a program for parents to help deal with this issue. They call it “S.T.A.R.T.” First, “Start With yourself” and with an honest look at our own digital habits. Next is “Tables and bedtimes”: Develop habits of unplugging devices at certain times and creating device-free zones. Accountability: Use disinformation blockers. They are not 100%, but they help. Ride: Prepare your kids for using digital devices like we train kids to drive, before handing them the car keys. Time Well Spent: Choose screentime that helps you create and connect rather than consume. Visit Screen Sanity's website to learn more. Finally, Dr. Milkovich is helping with the new recommendations on kids and screens coming next year from the American Academy of Pediatrics. FOX4 will follow up when those come out.