A witch, an artist, and two mental health
professionals on how to face the New Year. by HR Smith The days are short, the rain is acting like someone put out a casting call for a vertical river, and odds are high that you will soon be eating starchy food with people who will be asking you what it is, exactly, that you’ve been doing with your life. One way of dealing with this long dark night of the soul is to lean into it. What are you doing, exactly? What’s working? What isn’t working? Once the holiday presents are gotten and the festivities are over, what would you like to start doing, what would you like to stop doing, and how?  These questions are big enough that entire categories of human philosophy and endeavor have been dedicated to answering them. To keep things simple, the Mercury decided to ask representatives of three of them: the arts, psychology, and witchcraft.  How to End Something
That Isn’t Working Being miserable is, by definition, not a fun experience. But it can be a very useful signal that it’s time to try something else. “I’m pathologically incapable of doing a job I don’t like,” says Sarah “Shay” Mirk, graphic novelist, former Mercury reporter, and creator of many projects—most recently Crucial Comix, a small press that publishes narrative nonfiction comics and offers classes on comics-making. ”If a project is filling me with dread and I hate doing it, that’s a sign that I should either get out and have somebody else do it, or just be like, never again.”  Once you’ve accepted that you need to get out of something, it’s a good strategy to frame it as moving towards something good rather than getting the hell away from something bad, says Marie Soller, a psychiatrist and director of OHSU’s resident and faculty wellness program. In general, you’re more likely to trust a decision and follow through with it if you can, say, visualize yourself taking that time you spent trying to make a relationship work, and dedicating it to putting on ridiculous outfits and going out with friends instead. Some sadness is going to be part of the deal. Feel free to lean into big rainy season feelings. “Anything that’s new has to start from something that has ended,” says Annette Smith, a licensed professional counselor whose practice focuses on people going through major life transitions. A lot of people can get really stuck in the transition phase following a big change when things stop feeling exciting and start to feel weird. Giving yourself time to grieve, says Smith, can help get through that.  Therapy is a tool that’s useful for the nuts and bolts of life, says Michelle Tea, writer and author of Modern Magic: Stories, Rituals, and Spells for Contemporary Witches. “I love therapy, and therapy can be so helpful—to be witnessed and validated and get outside eyes on patterns and things that you can’t see.” Tea recommends witchcraft as a therapy supplement. “It’s more esoteric. If you’ve had a rough therapy session, it can feel very grounding to just remind yourself that you’re also a little animal on this earth, connected to the larger forces.”  The world is full of long, witchy tradition, but Tea recommends a punk, DIY approach instead of trying to be fussy and precise—think of something that feels like an ending and do it. “Rituals that have a lot of tradition can be really powerful, because they have all that compounded energy of so many people taking this action,” says Tea. “But I also feel like those rituals were just started by a regular person like you.” How to Start Something New “It’s very easy to be, like, ‘I’m excited about this’,” says Shay Mirk. “One way that I try to actually get stuff done is by making projects collaborative. If I’m responsible to somebody else, I’m way more likely to do something.”  Annette Smith agrees that trying something new is easier when you aren’t trying to do it in isolation—and recommends you have a variety of people in your life who can support you and who you can be accountable to. This can be tough, she adds. But don’t do it, and you wind up dumping on one or two people. Marie Soller recommends drawing a classic pro/con quadrant—basically, a big plus sign with the pros and cons of each side of a decision—when you’re making a decision, and then focusing on the “pros” of the decision you choose. Keeping a list of your five most important values can also be a useful tool, Soller says. When you hit a rough patch, you can, for example, return to it so that present-self can see that past-self wrote down “adventure” as a value, and that is definitely what you’re having. “I like to write down my intentions,” says Tea, sounding very therapist-like. “Whether you’re letting go of something, or whether you’re beginning something.” From there, you can seal it up and leave it somewhere that you’ll see it and be reminded. “Your bedside table is great, because it is a place that you see all the time. I feel like sleep is a really magical time when we’re processing things on a deeper level of subconscious.” The joke about New Year’s resolutions is that nobody keeps them, says Tea. But there’s something to moments like these. “I feel like you can sort of channel that collective energy of optimism and fresh start and get a little jump on something that you’re wanting to change,” Tea adds. The more “woo” aspects of a whole new year are only an asset under these circumstances. “For me, magic is that we don’t know what we are, we don’t know what this planet is, we don’t know anything,” adds Tea. “Staying in touch with that mystery is actually quite grounding and also liberating.”