Stop assuming you know what's happening and shove your assumptions up your ass. by Anonymous Listen, you asshole. Yeah, I'm talking to you, 10:15 pm Thursday night. I know you think you're super clever and cute, responding to the noises you sometimes hear coming from my apartment. Our apartment buildings are LITERALLY 10 feet apart, and you THINK you're hearing sex noises coming from my apartment across the way.  YOU. ARE. NOT. I have lived in this apartment for almost 15 years, and in that time, I have become disabled but haven't yet been able to move into a better place to live for my condition. So when YOU THINK YOU HEAR ME FUCKING, you're actually hearing me just trying to move around in this tiny apartment, which causes me AGONIZING PAIN. So when you oh-so-cleverly blast "Afternoon Delight" at top volume out your window at the people you think you hear fucking (what the hell kinda sex are you into, anyway?!?), your target is actually an elderly disabled woman WHO IS IN EXTREME PAIN. 1. STOP ASSUMING YOU KNOW WHAT'S HAPPENING AND SHOVE YOUR ASSUMPTIONS UP YOUR ASS 2. MIND YOUR OWN GODDAMNED BUSINESS, and  3. FUCK RIGHT THE FUCK OFF, YOU SON OF A FUCKING BITCH Signed, Your Neighbor in Excruciating Pain Who is NOT HAVING SEX, YOU COCKWOBBLE Do you need to get something off your chest? Submit an I, Anonymous and we'll illustrate it! Send your unsigned rant, love letter, confession, or accusation to [email protected]. Please remember to change the names of the innocent and the guilty.