We’ve clawed our way to the final regular season episode of Love Is Blind in DC. I’m not sure if love is blind or even real at this point. Before the couples exchange vows, make sure you’re updated on all the drama. If you don’t have 829 minutes to binge watch, read our recaps of episodes 1-6, 7-9, and 10-11 . Related“Love Is Blind DC” Recap: Is Sleep the True Villain of the Season? Now that you’re all caught up, let’s walk down this aisle together one last time. Does that count as a spoiler? It’s your last warning… Recap: Episode 12 In like a lion, out like a lamb: This was the most boring season finale I’ve ever watched in my life. Lucky for you, there’s a recap to read! Marissa and Ramses  Thank you to Marissa and Ramses for giving us the only finale-worthy drama of the episode. We return to the couple discussing yet another event that happened off camera. Ramses is having doubts after talking to family members about the wedding. Apparently, he has recently learned his ex was hurting much more than he realized after their divorce. I have to ask: How many years ago was Ramses’s divorce? Has he sat and reflected on anyone but himself for even a moment? Sought the insights of a therapist? Written in a journal? Taken a walk? In many ways, Ramses is the perfect representation of dating in DC: He’s a progressive dude who seems to have a lot of empathy for people on a global scale, yet he lacks it on an interpersonal level. If you’re going on a show about relationships and marriage, you should probably work on yourself beforehand and make sure you’re ready for commitment before popping the question. For Ramses, love alone isn’t enough, and there are certain things he just can’t get around. Is he talking about the condoms? The military service? Oh, no, just Marissa herself: “It’s about your energy and my energy living and coexisting in the same place,” he says. He is particularly concerned that Marissa brings her “day-to-day stresses” into their home. If you are Ramses’s ex-wife, please call me, I’d love to interview you. It’s hard to go anywhere from there—let alone down the aisle—so Ramses and Marissa end their relationship. Marissa is sobbing, and my heart breaks for her. (It’s for the best, I promise!) She calls her mom to share the news, but the camera doesn’t capture much of Vanessa’s reaction. I imagine it probably wouldn’t fly with the FCC. Ashley and Tyler  Our first wedding is Ashley and Tyler. Though I’ve previously said I’m going to stick with what’s on screen when it comes to the daddy vs. donor drama, it feels like a dereliction of my duties given recent events. This weekend, Bri Thomas (the mother of the children in question) posted a series of videos on Instagram detailing her allegations. According to Thomas, Tyler has played a father-like role to the children, and the twins were conceived through natural methods. Tyler has been quiet on the rumors, but he recently wrote in an Instagram comment, “I don’t owe anyone in this world an explanation. But I’ll give you one lol the conversation was longer than what was shown and a lot of off camera conversations were had.” The reunion show better deliver. With all that in mind, there seems to be an awful lot of talk about fathers and babies in this wedding sequence for it to not be intentional. At some point, Tyler tells his friends he’s going “to the baby making station” after the wedding, and we spend a lot of time unpacking the couple’s relationships with their respective dads. Tyler’s father isn’t invited to the event, and as far as I can tell, his purported kids aren’t either. But there’s another weird thing that happens at this wedding that we need to acknowledge. Now, I’ve been to my fair share of nuptials, and I’m used to a pretty typical procession. However, right before Ashley walks out, the stage is seized by two dancers who whirl and swirl their way down the aisle and offer her mother a bouquet at the end. It makes no sense, until I remember they probably budgeted for a third wedding and had some extra cash. Surprising no one, Ashley and Tyler get married. Afterwards, he says she has a husband, and she says, “you have a wife.” But what we all want to know is, does he have children? Nick and Vanessa Lachey, here’s your chance for a Murrow Award. Taylor and Garrett  Another inevitable (see: boring) wedding. As a hopeless romantic, I want these journeys to end with marriage, I swear. But as a shady viewer? Knowing both these couples would say yes had me wishing I was watching Love Island instead. Taylor’s parents were initially the hard sell, but they seem happy to watch this couple come together. Her father says Fong, Taylor’s mom, is the ultimate at reading people, so if she accepts Garrett, he’s in. I already knew Fong was astute as the only person to clock DC’s traffic on this show. Fong, come swipe through my Hinge for me! Garrett’s parents seem less overjoyed. His mom is doing that thing where you put on a weird voice and laugh a little too hard, and she’s definitely been crying. But hey, both sets of parents got married on the 13th, and will you look at that? So are Garrett and Taylor! This is enough to force her friends into a white pantsuit/corset combination that is very Madonna in the “Express Yourself” music video. Taylor and Garrett say “I do,” and I say, Is this over yet? Top 3 DC moments   The grooms went to a Wizards game for their bachelor party and got called onto the court to play a basketball version of musical chairs. We even get a flash of the Gallery Place Metro pylon. I can’t believe this didn’t leak given they literally announce the men are there for Love Is Blind. I guess the Venn diagram of Love Is Blind viewers and Wizards fans is two separate circles. Garrett shares that he hasn’t been to a Wizards game since he was a kid, and it’s probably because Gallery Place is so inconvenient to him. Maybe if it was in, say, Potomac Yard… Both weddings took place at Great Marsh Estate in Bealeton, Virginia, about an hour and 15 minutes away from Washington. A Virginia wine country wedding might not be in DC, but it still feels very DC. City vs. city   Here’s the break down of marriages by season, not including the current divorces. Season 1, Atlanta: 2 Season 2, Chicago: 2 Season 3, Dallas: 2 Season 4, Seattle: 3 Season 5, Houston: 1 Season 6, Charlotte: 1 Season 7, DC: 2 Statistically, that’s not so bad for us, though it seems the other Washington stays winning. Next time you’re complaining about the dating scene in DC, just remember: You could be trying to find “the one” in Houston or Charlotte. One final question  Is it too late for me to go on this show? The post “Love Is Blind DC” Recap: A Final Scream Into the Abyss first appeared on Washingtonian.