by Wm. Steven Humphrey The Mercury provides news and fun every single day—but your help is essential. If you believe Portland benefits from smart, local journalism and arts coverage, please consider making a small monthly contribution, because without you, there is no us. Thanks for your support! GOOD MORNING, PORTLAND! Following a possible morning shower or two, the sun should poke its sunny face out from behind those clouds to reach a high of 72—and expect even more sun-drenched skies tomorrow, topping out at 81! Now let's peek out from behind our clouds of ignorance to educate ourselves with some NEWS! (Was that insulting? Didn't mean it to be insulting.) IN LOCAL NEWS: • Oooooh, tough news for "Portland's cruelest human" Commish Rene Gonzalez: Governor Tina Kotek has endorsed his current chief rival for the mayor's race, Commissioner Carmen Rubio, pointing out she has the goods to "deliver the kind of change Portland urgently needs.” I'm choosing to read between the lines and interpret that as "I don't work with jerks." Conversely, the police union has endorsed Gonzalez... because jerks of a feather flock together? 🤷‍♂️ Anyhoo, the Mercury's Courtney Vaughn has the details. • And now, some good news for "Portland's cruelest humans": After a ridiculous amount of bitching and moaning from conservatives (👋 to Gonzalez) who loathe and demonize homeless people, Multnomah County Chair Jessica Vega Pederson has ordered the Joint Office of Homeless Services to temporarily stop purchasing tents and tarps to give to the houseless. As people who have educated themselves know, tents do not "enable" homelessness in any shape or form, but they do provide the smallest modicum of privacy and protection, and help keep them from freezing during the winter. It's especially helpful for the houseless to have tents since the city has fucking ignored the growing homeless crisis for DECADES, and are now unable to provide them with enough shelter. BUT SURE. Let's elect a mayor who wants to keep the homeless suffering (without fixing the problem) for decades longer. The Portland region's homeless response agency has always felt like a political football for local electeds. That dynamic is on full display this election year — and it could lead to a legal mess.https://t.co/INMgjJLWl5 — Alex Zielinski (@alex_zee) June 27, 2024 • Speaking of the deep immorality of the rich: There's new information about that $20 million catalytic converter ring that was run by a wealthy dude in Lake Oswego (not homeless people, as some a-holes suspected). According to court documents, Lake O's Brennan Doyle was the architect of the scheme, and with help from Tanner Hellbusch, resold roughly 40,000 catalytic converters over two years, using the proceeds to live in lavish luxury. The pair employed an estimated six thieves to steal the converters, paying them in cash and fentanyl-laced pills. (Cannot wait to see these dickholes in prison... and watch, what I hope will be, the Netflix documentary!) • If you love Girl Scout cookies, get ready to lose your got-damned mind: The Girl Scouts of America are switching their bakers, and some of your fave cookies will be replaced by knock-offs—for example, Thin Mints will no longer be as thin and crunchy, and Somoas (THE BEST COOKIE IN THE FREAKING WORLD, AND I WILL FIGHT YOU) will be called "Carmel DeLites" (😲) and will reportedly be drizzled with milk chocolate instead of dark, and come with less coconut? (🤯) Please excuse me while I trash my house and toss a kitchen chair out of the window. • It's time to play... know your Portland drag queen! And this time we're profiling Mona Chrome—a "walking crayon box" who sees the art as a way to combine their passions for painting, costume design, and dance—all at once! And you can read all about this amazing performer in the Mercury's QUEER ISSUE online right here and on the streets pretty damn much everywhere! 🏃‍♀️ This Monday! It's the kickoff of the coolest, booziest event of the year... the Mercury's SUMMER OF SLUSHIES! Delicious frozen cocktails from 23 of Portland's best bars, only $8 each and all damn summer long!https://t.co/BiKUlA7Otd — Portland Mercury 🗞 (@portlandmercury) June 26, 2024 IN NATIONAL/WORLD NEWS: • For those who are into torture, President Biden will debate a convicted felon tonight in what will be the first of hopefully ZERO more presidential debates. This atrocity will occur on CNN (and Home Box Office, now stupidly known as MAX) at 6 pm Pacific time, and since Trump has only cruel embarrassments to boast about (instead of actual accomplishments), it's thought that he will mostly focus on... attacking Hunter Biden? Sounds like a plan!  Boeing will face a series of restrictions and sanctions for sharing “non-public” information about the mid-air blowout earlier this year on one of its 737 Max jets, the National Transportation Safety Board announced. https://t.co/Dm27Ww2wSc — The Washington Post (@washingtonpost) June 27, 2024 • A big day for the Supremes, as the mostly conservative court dropped a handful of notable rulings, including (takes a deep breath) blocking a deal that would have allowed the Sackler family to be protected from prosecution by funneling billions into helping slow the opioid epidemic; dismissing an Idaho case that will (for now) allow emergency abortions in the state; temporarily hitting the brakes on an EPA plan to help curb air pollution; and rejecting one of the major ways that the Security Exchange Commission uses to stop securities fraud. (🥴 Jesus Christ, what a roller coaster!) And while I now despise all polls with the burning hot intensity of the sun, there's this: "7 in 10 Americans think Supreme Court justices put ideology over impartiality." Supreme Court allows women to get health care when they're dying, as a little treat — Aaron Rupar (@atrupar) June 27, 2024 • Walgreens is poised to close a "significant" number of their poorly performing retail stores across the nation over the next three years, which is very bad news for those rural areas who lost their locals pharmacies when corporations (like Walgreens 👋) moved into their areas. Hmmm... it's almost like late-stage capitalism isn't working out as planned! • Today in "this tracks": "Price Is Right Contestants Often High or Tripping on Shrooms." • And finally... hope you enjoy your day as much as this guy loves this song. When an introvert hears their favorite song in public: pic.twitter.com/I8vNrImfhO — internet hall of fame (@InternetH0F) June 25, 2024