I’ll always remember the soccer game when I threw my jersey on the ground to show my disagreement with the referee’s decision to award a penalty kick to our opponents. I can still hear his stern words: “Put that jersey back on or walk off my pitch!”   I walked off the soccer field shirtless. Not only did I leave my team a player short — since, under the rules, they couldn’t replace me — but to make matters worse, I was the team captain. I was 14 years old but felt about 4 as I stormed off the field in a tantrum.  It was a long, silent drive home in my grandfather’s car. I knew he was upset and embarrassed by my behavior, but he didn’t say so. As much as I loved my grandfather, I wish, in hindsight, he had berated and corrected me for what was clearly unacceptable behavior as a leader — even if it was just the captain of a young boys’ soccer team. I don’t even remember the incident being brought to my parents’ attention when we got home, and if it was, I don’t recall receiving any discipline for my actions or for letting so many others down.  Correction for bad behavior is never enjoyable when it’s being administered, but lifelong lessons often follow. I’m sure some of the sassiness I displayed in the early part of my working career would have been quelled if I had been corrected when I was much younger — but sadly, it wasn’t. Even now, there’s still a part of me that bristles when someone in authority tells me what to do.  One of the most admired traits of great leaders is humility. The opposite of humility is ego. The only leader more despised than an egotistical one is a leader who also lacks self-control. Workplaces around the world can all tell stories of men and women with egos larger than the legacies they left, who viewed the concept of “self-control” as an oxymoron.  It doesn’t matter whether we’re talking about the captain of a kids’ soccer team or a leader in the workplace — a lack of self-control can lose games and damage teams. In hindsight, I take full responsibility for my unacceptable tantrum on that rainy soccer field in the early 1980s, but I also believe those around me—namely my parents and grandfather — had a duty to discipline me. Likewise, any supervisor, manager, or senior leader who brings disrepute to the workplace “game” should be disciplined by their boss.  Each of us is accountable to a higher authority. If we don’t correct our own poor behavior, the duty falls to someone else. An employee has a boss. An owner may have a co-owner or investors. A CEO has a board of directors. A city mayor has a council. Even a president has mechanisms in place to address unacceptable behavior in this great democracy.  I wonder how many egotistical leaders who lack self-control might have learned their lessons sooner if those around them had corrected them earlier. I also wonder how many of my early workplace struggles could have been mitigated if a wiser figure had had a difficult conversation with me during that car ride home.  Great leaders are calm leaders. This doesn’t mean they are passive or lack drive to achieve their goals, but there is a respectful tone in how they speak. They put people first. They climb the leadership ladder honorably, mindful of who they might impact on their way up — and on their way down.  In my experience, people prefer to work with and for leaders who provide psychological safety rather than those who act like turbulent tyrants — leaders who, metaphorically, throw their jerseys on the ground when they disagree with the referee’s call.  Paul Butler is a Santa Clarita resident and a client partner with Newleaf Training and Development of Valencia (newleaftd.com). The views and opinions expressed in this article are those of the author and do not necessarily represent those of The Signal newspaper. For questions or comments, email Butler at [email protected].   The post Paul Butler | The Importance of Calm Leadership appeared first on Santa Clarita Valley Signal.