Begun, the Beach Badge Wars have. That’s what Yoda would say if he got a load of Assembly bill 4816, penned by Assemblywoman Margie Donlon of Monmouth. In short the bill would allow surfers and fishermen to get on New Jersey beaches for free. Basically, if you’re coming to the beach and are going to be setting up shop beneath the high tide line — surfers in the water, fisherman on the lip of the ocean — you don’t need to pay the sometimes (well, often) ridiculous beach badge fees. As it stands now, veterans are exempt from having to buy beach badges, and depending on the town, children, seniors, active military, etc. may be exempt. But everyone else? Pay up. And it’s expensive, bordering on not worth it. For instance: If I want to take myself, my wife, and my three kids to Belmar next summer — two of my kids will be over 13 — it will cost me $48. To walk on the beach. That, my friends, is an outrage. I suppose I should hope this law gets passed, and then I’ll fashion a quintet of fishing poles out of tree branches and explain to the beach badge police that we’re here to fish. I’m sure that will go over well. Here’s the thing: Every other state with a beach has figured out a way to let people enjoy the natural wonder without beach badges. Whether it’s through the state general budget, or tourism taxes, or private-public partnerships, they’ve all figured it out. But us? Nope. Gonna cost me $50 to go to the g–damn beach. So to start, I applaud Donlon and this bill. It’s a step in the right direction. Let’s allow surfers and fishermen to access New Jersey beaches for free. And let’s not stop there. You know who else should get free beach access? I’ll tell ya who: 1) Anyone wearing a Springsteen t-shirt. 2) People who can prove they’ve eaten at least one pork roll, egg, and cheese sandwich in the last 24 hours. We can probably come up with a prick test for that. 3) Anyone who can successfully spell “Manasquan” on their first try 4) Parents carrying more than 20 pounds of beach gear. If you’re already bringing half your house to the shore, you shouldn’t have to pay for the privilege. Put in an airport luggage weight thingee. 5) People willing to perform one dramatic reenactment of a scene from “The Sopranos” at the badge booth. Culture should be rewarded. Look, I get it. Beaches need maintenance, lifeguards need salaries, and I need to rewatch “The Sopranos.” I get it. But still — there’s got to be a better way than nickel-and-diming-and-quartering families who just want to feel some sand between their toes without taking out a second mortgage. So here’s to hoping Donlon’s bill is just the first wave in a sea change of beach access reform. Listen: If we can figure out how to make a left turn in a state that doesn’t believe in left turns, we can figure out how to let people go to the beach without breaking the bank. In the meantime, I’ll be over here, whittling some driftwood into “fishing poles” and practicing my “just here to catch some stripers” face. Wish me luck. Are there even stripers at the Jersey Shore? I have no idea.